A Few Healthy Ways of Dealing With Loneliness

God created us as social and relational creatures. We flourish when we are in healthy relationships with other people, and we can struggle if we find ourselves feeling isolated. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Solitude can be good for a person, but loneliness can lead to poor mental and cardiovascular health, among other negative outcomes.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), loneliness is cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving yourself to be alone. It can be an objective as well as a subjective state in which one feels emotional distress when their inherent needs for intimacy and companionship are not met.

The key difference between being alone and being lonely is that, in loneliness, you want the company of others, but that need is not being met.

Reasons why people feel lonely

People’s lives and circumstances vary, and there are many different reasons why people feel lonely.

Living by yourself

If you prefer to live with others but live alone, that can lead to loneliness. The longing for companionship can be difficult when you come home to an empty apartment or house.

Loss of loved ones

The elderly struggle significantly with loneliness, as they may have lost many loved ones and no longer have people in their social support network. If your closest confidant has passed away, or if you’ve been through a divorce, you can find yourself feeling lonely and isolated.

A new situation

If you’ve just moved to a new city or country, chances are you haven’t built up a network of people to hang out with. Until you build up those networks, loneliness is a possibility.

Lack of intimacy in current relationships

You may be far away from people you would consider trusted confidants. Perhaps you have fought with the person closest to you, and you may not have an alternative source of social support. This can create a chasm in which you feel lonely.

Dealing with a problem that causes shame

If you are dealing with an issue like pornography, gambling, or substance abuse, it can make you feel isolated. Often, people find it difficult to openly share their struggles. This may lead to isolation. Sadly, Satan’s strategy involves isolating us from other believers, and he would have us believe that we are alone and unloved.

Poor physical or mental health

Struggles with your health may limit the opportunities you have to interact with others and meet the need for social contact. Likewise, some illnesses carry a stigma that further isolates us from others, escalating the sense that we are alone.

Financial issues

Financial problems can cause shame, stress, insecurity, and a loss of identity. If you are in financial distress and working two or more jobs, that may limit the opportunities you have to connect meaningfully with other people. Likewise, you may not have the extra cash to go out and socialize with others.

Signs and symptoms of loneliness

Indicators of loneliness will vary depending on the circumstances from which it arises. There are signs to look out for. Some are feelings and others are behaviors.

• A deep longing for companionship and connection with another person.
• Feeling sad, empty, uncomfortable, or disconnected in a wide range of situations.
• Feeling left out or isolated from others, even when surrounded by people.
• Feeling misunderstood or unheard.
• Exhaustion or burnout from social interactions.
• Insecurity.
• Paranoia or a deep sense that people are criticizing you.
• Fatigue.
• Feeling worthless.
• Withdrawal from social events, assuming no one would notice if you are there or not.
• Frequent rumination and reminiscing.
• Sleep problems such as insomnia, trouble falling asleep, or sleeping more than usual.
• Changes in appetite, marked by a loss or an increase in appetite. Overeating to soothe your feelings or complete disinterest in food
• Unusual spending habits and retail therapy. If you find yourself buying things you do not need because you feel bored or want to fill a void, that can be a sign of loneliness.

How to deal with lonely feelings

As with any other problem, you can choose an unhealthy path that ultimately undermines your well-being, or you can deal with your thoughts and feelings constructively. Some useful ways to face off with loneliness include:

Recognizing and acknowledging your feelings

The Lord gave us our ability to feel things for a reason. Our feelings alert us to what is going on inside us, and they urge us to take necessary action. Acknowledging your loneliness is a great first step. You can then identify that your need is for intimacy and companionship, and not food or sleep, for instance.

Go out and just be where people are

Instead of remaining objectively isolated in your apartment, get out and be where people are, whether at a park or on a hiking trail. Sometimes, a shared experience like watching a movie or being at a concert can help meet the need to be with others.

Practice gratitude

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18, NIV). Taking a moment (or several moments) each day to name the things you are thankful for can go a long way to helping you take a more positive outlook. This can push back the negativity and pessimism that often fuels loneliness.

Reach out to a friend or family member

In some situations, being intentional about making time to be with other people is what you need. Our lives can get busy. Sometimes you miss out on emotional connection because life is full of activities and tasks, rather than people. Making time to nurture quality relationships can make a significant difference in your life and in your sense of connectedness with others.

Serve

Volunteer at a place that fits your passion, like helping at a local shelter or cleaning the neighborhood park. Serving others is a gift we can give to those around us. It will offer a sense of satisfaction that doesn’t come from anything else. Who knows you may meet a new friend who enjoys serving the community in the same way.

Join a support group

If your loneliness stems from loss of some kind, whether the death of a loved one or divorce, joining a support group with others in the same situation can help you feel connected because of shared experiences.

Stay active

Whether going for a hike, a run, a walk, a swim, or a bike ride, being physically active allows you to focus on the activity and not your circumstances, even if only for a little while. Additionally, physical activity can elevate your mood, especially if you combine the activity with being outdoors.

Get your creative juices flowing

Turning to the arts, like painting, drawing, making music or listening to it, can help alleviate loneliness. Expressing yourself artistically can help you articulate your feelings, and it can be cathartic as well.

Enjoy your hobbies

You should make time for the things you love. That could be cooking, building musical instruments, woodworking, or crocheting. Your hobbies access your creative side, and they can also provide you with opportunities to connect with other people who share similar passions.

Reaching out for help

When loneliness becomes overwhelming it is time to talk to someone who can help. You can speak with and confide in a loved one, but you may also need to seek the help of a counselor.

You should talk with a professional if your feelings of loneliness interfere with your daily functioning at work, home, or school, or if it lingers longer than two weeks. Through individual counseling, you can address the root causes of your loneliness as well as learn healthy coping strategies. Feel free to scroll through our list of qualified counselors who are ready to help you combat loneliness.