Grief is Weird: Unexpected Aspects of the Grieving Process

Grief comes often and in many forms. It is an avoidable part of life. We grieve over people who have died but also over other losses in life. There is anticipatory grief that occurs when someone is expecting a loss and delayed grief when a person suppresses or postpones their emotional response to loss. One thing that is consistent through all types of grief is the weirdness of it all.

What does that mean?

Grief is weird because it is an unpredictable nuisance that doesn’t follow a pattern. It doesn’t follow a straightforward, linear process like time or even a movie. One day you can feel intense sorrow and the next day you could be feeling fine. A fresh wave of emotion can come again without warning.

Grief is weird because it brings about a lot of conflicting emotions. You might be experiencing sadness, but also relief, anger, guilt or even a sprinkling of joy as you recall happy memories. This complex cocktail of emotions often makes people wonder if they are indeed grieving “correctly” or “normally.”

Grief can also cause a feeling of disconnection. Those who are experiencing grief can feel out of sync with the world around them. Even though you have gone through a life changing event, the neighbor is just causally mowing their lawn. This disconnection can cause loneliness and make grief even more intense.

Grief is weird because it can be triggered so unexpectedly by things that seem mundane, like a song, a scent, or a passing comment. These seemingly benign things can suddenly evoke strong feelings, catching you off guard.

Social expectations around how grief “should” look can add another layer of complexity to an already complex emotion. There may be pressure to “move on” quickly or to grieve in private, which can make grieving feel confusing and disorienting.

Grief can alter relationships with those who are closest to us. Some people don’t know how to act during death and loss and may retreat while others will step in to offer support. In this way, grieving and tragedy can greatly change your social dynamics in weird ways.

Another weird aspect of grief is that it can’t be controlled. Unlike many challenges we face in life, grief is something that simply must be lived through rather than fixed. Most of us like to fix our problems, but this is simply something that has to be managed and endured.

It’s common to feel guilty about not grieving enough or even grieving too much. People might feel guilty about moving forward or experiencing moments of happiness, thinking it would somehow dishonor the person they’ve lost. This self-judgement is a biproduct of grief that many people don’t expect.

Grieving can also affect our spiritual lives. It can intensify curiosity about the afterlife and shift your focus on your own mortality. Grief can strain faith and make you wonder why suffering exists at all.

Getting Help for Grief

If you’re grieving and experiencing some of these complex and sometimes contradictory emotions, know that you are not weird, grief is. Grief’s unpredictability and the way it interacts with our mental, physical, social, and even spiritual experience makes it a uniquely strange experience.

Talking with a professional therapist can help you manage your grief. No matter what type of grief you are experiencing and what strange little biproducts have developed because of your loss, counseling can help. A therapist can serve as a sympathetic listening ear, a non-judgmental confidant, and someone who can guide you through the grieving process.

If you are ready to start this journey, reach out to our reception team today. A trained therapist from our office can help you address the grief you are facing.