How Shame Can Make Chemical Dependency Worse

If you are dealing with chemical dependency, or know someone who is, you will know just how life-altering the struggle can be. There will be moments when it feels as if things could not get any worse, but sobriety often hinges on your mental attitude toward the struggle. Chemical dependency is a complex and often deeply rooted issue. The hook keeping most people from making progress on their journey to getting clean is shame.

Shame blocks progress both for those dealing with chemical dependency and those supporting loved ones through it. Many aspects of life are affected and made worse when we feel ashamed of ourselves and our choices, but this feeling is almost always present for addicts and those trying to get clean.

As you try to combat feelings of shame and failure, it can feel a lot like you are swimming against the tide. However, because shame is so often a component of addiction, it is possible to conquer both. In fact, it is difficult to get free from chemical dependency without also getting free from the shame you carry.

The Chemical Dependency Iceberg

Most people only begin to understand chemical dependency when they have personally struggled with substance addiction or know someone who has. It is easy to judge the surface of the issue, where it seems as if people continually make unwise choices until an undesirable lifestyle ensnares them.

The same people who judge and shame addicts and alcoholics often have hidden dependencies of their own. Their personal dependencies and addictions might be more socially acceptable or even praiseworthy, such as being a workaholic or fitness addict. Meanwhile, they have developed these habits as ways of coping with deeper issues.

There are a variety of reasons that people develop a chemical dependency, and none of these reasons can be seen or understood from a judgmental perspective. Many addicts themselves haven’t fully understood where or how their dependency began, and finding out can take years. The three most common factors that influence chemical addictions are genetic traits, mental health issues, and social influences.

Genetics sometimes accounts for up to half of the reason a person develops a chemical dependency. Research has shown that some people are more likely to form addictive habits based on hereditary traits and certain genes. Addictive substances radically affect a person’s brain chemistry.

Many people realize that they had addictive tendencies even before they began using a chemical and became dependent on it because their brains became altered in the process. Often, people start as merely curious or reckless with substances but quickly become addicts because their genetic instincts were far deeper and more serious than they realized.

People dealing with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and ADHD are statistically more likely to begin using substances as a form of coping. Medication for psychological disorders and struggles is effective, and for many people, the only way to cope is with medical help.

This can become a form of chemical dependency, but it is usually when people begin supplementing psychiatric medication with other substances that they begin to spiral out of control. When issues like anxiety, depression, and neurodiverse disorders are stigmatized, it is more likely that people will use substances to control or disguise their symptoms, as well as dull the feelings of shame that come with them.

Factors like peer pressure and exposure to drug use at an early age have been an influence on chemical dependency for the longest time. They remain a key influence for many people, along with the normalization and even glamorization of drug use in popular culture.

When the risks and long-term effects of substance use are downplayed, it is more likely that teens and young adults will try them. A person’s brain is fully developed between the ages of twenty-four and thirty. When it is exposed to altering chemicals before that time, it likely will be altered for the rest of the person’s life.

People who have become dependent on substances might have made some wrong life choices, and it’s understandable when their loved ones are infuriated because of this. However, there is always more to a person’s story with addiction than anyone can see from the outside, and the chances are they are equally infuriated and ashamed of themselves.

The first step on the journey to sobriety is having confidence that it is even possible. Those who have been shamed and ridiculed for their dependencies will not even attempt to make a better life for themselves.

Ways to Avoid Shaming Others with Chemical Dependency

Understanding what is happening beneath the surface of chemical dependency is the first step in supporting someone who is struggling with it. As disappointing and maddening as it is to see a loved one struggling with addiction, they do not benefit from your judgment or moral outrage.

You will need to move beyond these feelings if you are going to be of meaningful help to them. This is not an easy process by any means, and it is the reason support groups also help loved ones and those who deal with addiction indirectly.

Society has normalized shaming and dehumanizing those battling addictions to the point that many view them as lesser and undeserving of respect. The truth is that, whether they are trying to get clean or not, people with chemical dependency are as deserving of love, respect, and support as anyone else.

Those on the path to recovery are trying to accomplish what few others could only dream of, and have more determination, courage, and mental strength than the average person.

Pay attention to the language you use about addiction and substance abuse, both when you are among those battling addiction and people who aren’t. Words have strength, and people can’t help but see themselves the way they are described.

Recovery is a long and complicated journey. There will be times when you are disappointed and even betrayed by your loved one. It’s helpful to express your emotions in these moments but avoid words that will shame or label them as failures.

Ways to Avoid Shaming Yourself

A large part of the battle of recovery and coping with a chemical dependency takes place in your mind. You will feel alone, ostracized, and deeply disappointed and frustrated with yourself along the way. You will need to develop habits of congratulating yourself for small victories, encouraging yourself during struggles, and forgiving yourself for failures. In essence, you need to become your own biggest supporter, defender, and friend.

In practice, this looks different for everyone. It could mean finding a healthy way of rewarding yourself for small victories. Keep your goals achievable and evaluate your life one day at a time. Give yourself credit where it is due, grace when you fail, and patience when you try. Speak kindly of yourself, as if you were someone who deserved good things, because you are, despite anything that has happened in the past.

Chemical dependency can be a crippling, cruel path, and recovery can take longer than you realize. Despite these hardships, you deserve good things. No matter how much society might stigmatize your struggles, you are as deserving of a good life as anyone else is. Encouragement might feel worthless when you are at your lowest, but shame will keep you there. If you haven’t already, reach out to someone for help and begin your journey to recovery today.

There is support for you

You might not be aware of your options as someone dealing with chemical dependency. Perhaps your journey feels too complex, or you find the thought of group therapy unappealing. You could always meet with a counselor to begin sharing your burdens. With a counselor, you will find a confidential space and a non-judgmental listener to walk with you wherever the journey takes you. Contact us if this is a path you would like to explore.