Issues That Might Come Up In Christian Premarital Counseling

The people we allow closest to us play a significant role in our lives by being part of our overall well-being. They form our support network, that group of people to whom we can turn in times of crisis and on whose wisdom we rely. This especially applies to premarital counseling.

They are the people who guide us, keep us accountable, help us nurture our dreams, and with whom we do life. When these key relationships are healthy, we have a better chance of flourishing, and when they are mired in ongoing conflict or other unhealthy behaviors, your flourishing is hampered.

Your choice of marriage partner is one of the weightier decisions you’ll make in your life. This is the person you’re choosing to walk alongside for the rest of your life. This is likely the individual who will have the largest impact on your well-being, for good or for ill.

In his book The Mystery of Marriage, Mike Mason rightly says that “There is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage, and at the same time nothing better than a good one”.

What is Christian premarital counseling for?

Christian premarital counseling is part of the process of wisely discerning whether the person you want to get married to is the right partner for you. Premarital counseling helps you consider the reality of marriage and married life so that you make an informed decision.

Additionally, by addressing certain perennial issues that often trip couples up in their life together, premarital counseling helps prepare couples to face those challenges well.

Issues that might come up.

Premarital counseling makes for better decision-making and a greater sense of ownership of the decision to get married. It helps you get prepared for life together by helping you think through issues that may arise in the marriage, and by providing you with tools to address those issues. Some of the issues and concerns that may come up in Christian premarital counseling include the following:

Goals and goal setting.

It’s good for a couple to talk through what they want to accomplish together. They may have plans to buy a home, attend grad school, or travel. Setting out their priorities and figuring out how to set priorities and go about accomplishing them is a vital skill.

Conflict.

Your counselor may also help you understand your conflict styles and how best to engage in conflict in a healthy way.

Finances.

Money is often a flashpoint in marriage. Questions ranging from where your income will come from, how it will be used, and what roles each of you will play in handling it are worthwhile considering. These questions will highlight priorities, boundaries, and areas of misalignment.

Sex.

It’s important for the couple to be aware of each other’s expectations and to dispel any misconceptions about sex in marriage. Couples may have unrealistic expectations about sex, or there may be areas of healing and mutual understanding that they need to understand about one another. Issues such as addiction to pornography and how that can affect sexual intimacy can also be discussed.

Boundaries.

Living with someone is a different ball game from even spending most of the day with them. Boundaries allow a couple to retain their sense of individuality, and they allow them to meet their needs effectively. Boundaries may be around time, access to social media and other accounts, use of social media, how to handle the in-laws, or any other boundaries that are useful to be aware of.

Roles in the marriage.

Whether you consider yourself progressive or traditional, you’ll have to decide who does what in your home. This will help to reduce conflict, especially if you also learn how to renegotiate those roles as things change.

Children.

It’s good to determine whether you both want children and how you see your future together. Additionally, premarital counseling is a great place to discuss parenting strategies.

These and many other concerns will likely come up during Christian premarital counseling. Your counselor will also help you understand the Christian perspective on marriage, especially how marriage is intended to be a lifelong union (Genesis 2: 24; Matthew 19: 3-12) that reflects the relationship between Jesus and His church (Ephesians 5: 21-33). This understanding should shape how you conduct your marriage.

If you’re preparing to get married, consider going for Christian premarital counseling. It will help you make wise choices and prepare well for your marriage. Reach out to a Christian counselor to begin building a solid foundation for your marriage and life together.