What is Complicated Grief?

Complicated grief is what people can experience when their painful feelings of loss after a death do not diminish over time. Emotions are so intense that they are not able to recover and readjust to day-to-day life, even if more than a year has passed since the loss occurred. Complicated grief is also called prolonged grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder.

The difference between complicated and normal grief

Normal or uncomplicated grief describes the typical feelings a person has in the first weeks and months after a loss. Crying, missing the deceased, feeling angry or overwhelmed, depressed, and thinking “If only..” are some examples of normal reactions to loss.

Over time, these feelings become less intense (though there may still be instances of acute grief and longing) as the person begins to accept the loss and rebuild his life again, reintegrating into society. Complicated grief, however, is a debilitating condition where a person cannot function properly in everyday life.

Types of complicated grief

Three types of complicated grief have been suggested by researchers, including chronic grief, delayed grief, and absent grief.

Chronic grief is grief that is intense and prolonged and does not ease over time. In severe cases, it can lead to thoughts of suicide or attempts to take one’s own life.

Delayed grief is grief that is only felt long after the loss of the loved one. In this case, grief may have been postponed due to feeling numb, in shock, overwhelmed, or even busy. If a person feels that she is not able to grieve openly due to perceived societal pressures.

For example, after a miscarriage, a woman might suppress her feelings which later may cause delayed grief to emerge. Sometimes the onset of grief after some time has passed leaves people confused as they thought they had dealt with the loss.

is when people do not seem to be grieving in a normal way after a loss, such as crying, missing the deceased, etc. It is associated with avoidance or denial of the loss.

Symptoms of complicated grief

If more than a year has passed since the loss and you notice any of the following symptoms, you might be suffering from complicated grief:

• Feeling numb or detached.
• Excessive thinking of the loss, with little interest in anything else.
• Excessive interest in or avoidance of reminders of the deceased.
• Feeling that life is pointless or meaningless.
• Inability to participate in normal routines.
• Isolation and withdrawal from others or social activities.

If any of these symptoms are persistent in your life, it would be wise to seek counseling to help you process your grief in a healthier way and begin to move forward again.

Seeking counseling

Talk to a trained counselor about your loss and the trouble you are experiencing in going on with life. Don’t try to bear this burden on your own. Remember that God has not abandoned you, nor is He punishing you. Rather, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV)

Book an appointment with a biblical counselor at our office today and find out how God is there in the midst of your pain and how He can bring about your healing.