My Husband is Depressed. How Can I Help?

Loving someone who is depressed can be hard. Many times, spouses feel helpless as they watch the person they care so much about suffering. It is difficult when all you want to do is help and it feels impossible to know how. If your husband is depressed, perhaps this article will help.

Additionally, people who are depressed sometimes release their feelings and frustrations toward the people they feel safe with, often a spouse or a loved one. This can mean you are juggling the longing to help your spouse as well as your feelings about how you are treated.

If your husband is depressed, it is not just their struggle. You have your own experiences and feelings to navigate.

What is depression?

Before you can look at how to help your husband, you need to understand what depression is. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.” Sometimes referred to as major depressive disorder or clinical depression, daily activities can become difficult for those suffering as depression affects how you think, feel, and behave.

It is important to understand that being depressed is more than an occasional feeling of sadness or having the blues. It is not something that patients can simply turn off. Depression is a medical condition that requires treatment. Medication, therapy, or a combination of the two often have a positive impact on treating depression.

Common signs of depression can include sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, changes in sleep or eating habits, anger, difficulty concentrating or completing tasks, unexplained physical ailments, and even suicidal thoughts. People with depression can experience these or any combination of feelings that persists over time.

Loving your depressed husband.

If your husband suffers from depression, it can be difficult to see him in this new light. Sometimes people wonder where the person they married went. It can be hard to understand the changes in your husband and you may feel tempted to expect them to snap out of it.

Loving your spouse through this will be challenging. There is no way around that. But you don’t need to lose hope. You can find ways to help your husband even in their depression by loving and supporting them as well as yourself.

Practical ways to help when your husband is depressed.

If your husband is depressed you may know that you love him, but you wonder how you can help. It is important to understand that love cannot cure depression. It is wonderful and important, but it is not your job to cure your husband’s depression. Instead, you can incorporate practical things in your marriage that will help your husband as he navigates his depression.

Learn and understand.

You’ve already started the most important step: learning more about depression so you can understand what your husband is dealing with and how to help. Because the term depression is used in so many ways, it is helpful to understand what it is from a medical standpoint.

Additionally, focusing on what the impact is for your husband and those around him is helpful. The impact depression has on daily living is different for everyone. Learning about how it affects your husband will help you love him well.

For example, if your husband is struggling with insomnia because of his depression, it could be tempting to get frustrated when he is tired during the day and impatient. Learning about depression can help you be more understanding of his insomnia and impatience, improving your relationship and things in the home.

Encourage him to seek professional help.

As you take the time to learn about depression, you can see that it isn’t something that you can fix on your own. Nor is it something your husband can fix. Instead, the best thing is for him to seek support and help from trained professionals.

Some people find it easier to start by talking to their medical doctor about their depression. This is a good way to initiate the conversation and begin talking about treatment options. You can also encourage him to seek help from a psychologist or therapist. Often, the best option is a combination of medical support and psychological support, but if you need to start with one that will still be helpful.

Foster a supportive home environment.

Alleviating stressors and creating a supportive, safe environment at home can make a big difference as your husband is handling his depression and the things that go along with that. While you cannot eliminate all stressors (you and your family still live there after all) you can reduce stressors and put things in place that help with depression.

Here are some ways to create a supportive home environment.

Be present. Give your husband your attention and remind him that you are there for him. Your husband may appreciate reminders that you are there to listen and that you are a team, committed to working through dwith him. He may also feel supported by physical presence like making eye contact, sitting close, holding his hand, or rubbing his shoulders. Try different things to see what works well. You can even ask him what he finds most helpful.

Make healthy choices. Eating a healthy, balanced diet and making time for exercise are both helpful in managing the symptoms of depression. This doesn’t mean you should throw away his favorite treats. Instead, work with him to have healthy meals available. Simple things like taking a walk together, even just ten minutes after dinner, can also help him de-stress and provide time for him to talk.

Set plans. Sometimes people suffering from depression lose interest in things that typically bring them joy. Unfortunately, not doing things they love only makes things worse. Be intentional about making plans to do things your husband enjoys.

Try not to overwhelm him with plans, but try things like watching a movie or playing a board game together each week, or going for a hike somewhere he loves. This will help him reengage with things that he likes and increase social interaction.

Support treatment. Ask how you can be supportive in his treatment. Consider offering rides to the doctor or counseling. Be willing to wait in the waiting room or the car so he has privacy. Don’t assume what will be most helpful. Talk to him about what will encourage him in his treatment journey.

Take care of yourself.

One of the best ways you can help your husband is to take care of yourself. Loving someone who is struggling has an impact on you. Think about the things that make you feel cared for and strong so you can care for your husband.

This is often one of the most overlooked areas, but it makes a big difference. Think about how you react to a situation when you’re tired, hungry, and overwhelmed versus how you handle it when you’re rested, well-fed, and feel confident. When are you best able to help others?

Caring for yourself is an important piece of the puzzle that truly helps both you and your husband. As you walk through this, one good way to care for yourself is to consider counseling or a support group for you. You have your own experiences and feelings in this process. Finding someone that can help will equip you to love your husband well in this season.

Final Thoughts

Loving your husband in his depression may be hard, but you can do this. Remember, you can lean on God and He will help you as you walk through it. You don’t have to navigate your experience alone. Even if you are not the one suffering from depression, your spouse’s depression has an impact on you. The counselors at our office are available to help. Call us today to set up an appointment.