Wade Van Staden

Codependency is a toxic dynamic in a relationship where two people become locked into a giving-and-taking imbalance. This means that one person (the giver) pours their energy, time, and resources into supporting the receiver or “enabler.” The giver needs to be needed, and the enabler needs to be in a position of primary importance in someone else’s life. There are varying degrees of severity with codependent relationships, but the result is usually two people trapped by each other and descending into bitterness and resentment. Recovery from codependency is possible, and it begins with self-reflection and awareness. Sometimes people need to see where they need help or healing to undo damaging situations, they have gotten themselves and others into. The giving flaws The givers in codependent relationships usually begin with people pleasing and pacifying from a young age. They are often highly empathetic people who derive genuine joy from making others happy. However, underlying this generous spirit is often a wound of feeling not good enough, unseen, or unworthy of affection. By nature, givers do not acknowledge or confront issues. They might be aware of problems with their self-esteem but will default to being the good friend, or the kind stranger to receive compliments, praise, and affection. This behavior might seem pleasant on the outside, but deep down it is subtly manipulative. What about enablers of codependency? In some ways, the enabler is the inverse of the giver. They appear more confident, less uncertain, and more obviously controlling. The giver comes to rely on the other person in the codependent relationship for their outspoken opinions, decisiveness, and perceived superiority. Where the giver’s motive is to people please, the enabler has a motive that is simply to have someone meet their needs. Their self-importance is often rooted in narcissism, and they will [...]