Kate Motaung, Carrollton Christian Counseling

7 Ideas for Building Self-Esteem

7 Ideas for Building Self-Esteem

Ashlynn Barnette, Kate Motaung2025-07-07T04:04:55+00:00July 7th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

If you have felt out of sorts lately, it may have to do with your self-esteem. Factors such as bullying, abuse, trauma, negative self-talk, neglect, or prejudice can contribute to low self-esteem. Building self-esteem is critical for your emotional and mental well-being. Why Building Self-Esteem is Critical Although several factors can lead to low self-esteem, knowing who you are and how valuable you are to yourself, your loved ones, your community, and God is the basis of a healthy mental state. When you value yourself and perceive your worth, you build emotional resilience and do not feel as pressured by societal ideals. If your self-esteem is low, then you might: Compromise on your values. Stay in a toxic relationship. Compare yourself to others. Make rash decisions or struggle to make commitments. Never take risks. Struggle with body image, depression, and anxiety. Struggle to achieve goals. Let yourself go, including personal hygiene and health. Building self-esteem will positively affect your physical, emotional, and mental health. As you realize that you were made in the image and likeness of God, the belief that you are a co-heir to Christ’s kingdom and a son or daughter of the King, your confidence will soar. What if low self-esteem were no longer a barrier, and you knew in your heart that opportunities were available to you and doors were open that no man could shut if it were God’s will? Start by building self-esteem and shifting your mindset and beliefs. Ideas for Building Self-Esteem Building self-esteem takes practice. You may need to replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations, mantras, and beliefs. You will need to challenge your own thoughts and limiting beliefs. Your behavior will need to change to reflect confidence by adopting new actions. Although not mentioned in the list below, reading and [...]

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Signs That You Need Help for Alcohol Dependence

Signs That You Need Help for Alcohol Dependence

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-06-20T07:00:08+00:00June 20th, 2025|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Many people have a complicated relationship with alcohol. In one person’s experience, it may be related to happy and enjoyable memories, while for another, it’s associated with dark and painful ones. Each person must navigate how they will deal with alcohol, and it helps to be informed about some of the ways it can negatively affect someone. Various substances, such as prescription and recreational drugs, affect the brain. Likewise, alcohol can produce pleasurable feelings and also blunt negative ones. It has a powerful effect on the brain, which can make it appealing. This temporary relief can motivate someone to turn to alcohol again and again, even when it poses possible significant risks to their health and overall well-being. You can become dependent on alcohol even without recognizing it. What is alcohol dependence? When you depend on something, it means that it plays a significant role in your life. When a person is dependent on alcohol, they may feel as though they cannot function without consuming alcohol. Alcohol assumes an important role in their life, and often, they have to drink more and more of it in order to obtain the same effect as before. Alcohol becomes a priority, superseding other activities or obligations. When a person is dependent on alcohol, they may not only prioritize alcohol over other things like family or work, but they may continue to consume alcohol even when it becomes destructive. Even if they’ve begun experiencing the harmful consequences of drinking, such as getting a DUI, losing their job, being diagnosed with liver disease, or other mental health challenges, they will continue to drink. Alcohol dependence is marked by the impaired ability to stop or control one’s intake and use of alcohol. Alcohol dependence is one of a cluster of terms that are often used [...]

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The Many Ways Distorted Thinking Affects Your Life Every Day

The Many Ways Distorted Thinking Affects Your Life Every Day

Ashlynn Barnette, Kate Motaung2025-06-12T10:10:02+00:00June 12th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Emotions are a big part of how you experience your life. They shape the way you see the world, make decisions, and react to the ups and downs of life. But what can happen is that emotions take charge and trick you into thinking things that aren’t true. If you let them, they can twist your thoughts, making situations seem worse than they are. This is called distorted thinking, and it probably happens to you more than you’d think. Distorted emotions are like a filter, and through it, everything seems darker and more difficult than it really is. You can have a small argument with a friend, and then an emotional response will make you think, “They don’t care about me,” even when there’s no proof. These kinds of thoughts feel real at the moment, but they’re not the truth; they’re just emotions blurring reality. With some awareness of how your brain may conjure up this wrong way of thinking, it’s possible to spot these patterns, and then you can change them. Why do you have emotions? Emotions come from a part of your brain called the amygdala. It’s the one that helps you respond to things around you. These emotional responses are part of what keeps you safe and balanced. The amygdala normally processes feelings like fear and anger, where chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin create sensations of either happiness or sadness. These emotions are the brain’s way of helping us respond quickly to the world around us. This is the way your brain knows, for example, that fear signals danger, and joy means something good is around. Through it all, the brain is supposed to remain in charge of your thoughts by rationalizing and balancing your reactions with what is real. Everyone experiences emotional highs and [...]

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Common ADHD Quirks and How to Manage Them

Common ADHD Quirks and How to Manage Them

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-06-05T07:04:22+00:00June 5th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Having ADHD is a mixed bag of fun and frustration. so many things are just different about us compared to neurotypical folks, that it’s sometimes hard to keep track of. It is important for us to feel seen and understood because, although we might be different, there is nothing inherently wrong with us. As with everyone, regardless of their neurotype, sometimes we need to understand why we are doing certain things so that we can better adapt or tweak our actions, for the good of everyone. Let’s explore some of the most common ADHD quirks and consider how to manage them. Common ADHD Quirks and How to Manage Them Most of us have poor bladder control When we get locked into a hyperfocus mode, there is little that can stop us or distract us, even a full bladder. Unfortunately, holding urine does not strengthen the bladder but weakens it over time. It might take a lot of practice, but we simply need to lean into our natural affinity for multitasking and go to the bathroom while we are doing whatever fun task we are absorbed in. We tend to adopt accents Those with ADHD often become fascinated by ordinary things, and a foreign accent can be captivating. We tend to imitate accents without even realizing it, and sometimes this comes across as rude or fake, although for us it is harmless and unintentional. If we find ourselves in a conversation with someone who has an interesting accent, it might be helpful to warn them that we tend to mimic accents. It may not be a big deal, but it also might be best to warn others before it slips out. Alternatively, we can be self-aware and try to intentionally stop ourselves from mimicking. We suffer from FOMO There is [...]

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5 Relationship Types and How to Strengthen Your Bonds

5 Relationship Types and How to Strengthen Your Bonds

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-05-22T07:08:50+00:00May 22nd, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are a part of life, but why? If we have learned anything during the pandemic, it has been that although isolation is necessary for particular seasons of our lives, we thrive when we are part of a social circle. This circle can include your spouse, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, or the friendly mail delivery carrier. You choose the people and how much access they have to your life. Knowing the five relationship types and how you can strengthen those bonds can serve you well in every area of life. Why Relationships are Necessary Positive relationships are necessary for the formation of social skills and happiness. Different types of relationships fulfill various needs throughout life and can result in better emotional and mental health. Not feeling alone, even when you are struggling, is crucial to avoiding specific mental condition symptoms such as depression. Relationships, even the hard and toxic ones, help build emotional resilience. Resiliency will help you overcome challenges throughout life and move forward instead of staying “stuck,” reliving hurt, disappointment, or trauma. Relationships provide a support system and other people to share your burdens. When going through something challenging, you want people who love and care about you to help stand in the gap. Relationships allow you to support others and be a blessing when they need it. As relationships form early, those bonds may shape the person you become. But remember, even if your relationships throughout childhood were tumultuous, you have the resources to lead a different life. You can choose to surround yourself with people who can push you to learn more, think differently, and act appropriately. The relationships you choose later in life can either bless you or harm you. Not every relationship needs to be a close, intimate one to benefit you. Building [...]

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Avoidance Anxiety and How It Affects Relationships

Avoidance Anxiety and How It Affects Relationships

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-05-09T07:01:47+00:00May 9th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There’s something about unpleasant experiences that just shouts, “Don’t do this again!”. We instinctively tend to avoid unsavory things to save ourselves time and effort and to preserve our peace of mind. For example, if you have a bad experience at an eating establishment, you’re unlikely to patronize it again. It can be scary getting into a car again after an accident or it may feel uncomfortable walking where you were mugged. We tend to avoid the unpleasant, or what reminds us of unpleasant experiences. This can be advantageous, for the reasons already mentioned. However, it can also have a downside. There are situations in which it is necessary to face unpleasant things for another, bigger purpose. You may not enjoy public speaking, for example, but it enables you to effectively communicate your ideas to more people. In key instances in life, it may be necessary to face the things that make you anxious or that you ordinarily try to avoid. Understanding avoidance anxiety and its impact on your life can help you take steps to deal with this anxiety and reclaim your freedom and ability to enter diverse situations unhindered by fear. Avoidance Anxiety Unpacked We all have moments or situations that make us anxious. Perhaps it is dinner with your family, talking or eating in public, going to a social event, a first date or job interview, driving, addressing conflict, or any number of other circumstances. When you feel anxious, your body reacts by activating your fight-flight-freeze response. This is one of the ways your body prepares you to act in ways that protect you and your well-being. Anxiety doesn’t feel pleasant. It includes signs such as a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, racing thoughts and restlessness, and even feelings of dread. When you’re anxious, it can feel [...]

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ADHD and Communication: How One Impacts the Other

ADHD and Communication: How One Impacts the Other

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-05-08T06:16:15+00:00May 8th, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Almost all friendships and relationships these days are maintained and enriched by digital communication. With our busy lives, we tend to rely on text messaging and video calls to make plans, check in with each other, share news, and spend casual time together when we can’t meet in person. Digital communication fills a gap in almost all modern friendships. This especially affects those with ADHD. For those with ADHD, though, this aspect of communication can be complicated. Where most people find digital communication to be easy and sometimes even preferable, those with ADHD generally hate it. Their friends and partners will probably attest to this fact. For many, those with ADHD seem to blow hot and cold because they are friendly, focused, and connected in person but silent and seemingly cold in the times between hangouts. The ADHD Pattern From the perspective of friends, those with ADHD have a pattern of communication that looks something like this: You spend time together and enjoy yourselves with your ADHD friend, making you feel like you’re the center of their attention and the only person in the room. However, you don’t hear from them in the days and weeks that pass. Text messages don’t receive replies, and phone calls are unanswered; they seem to be ghosting you. What gives? If you have experienced rejection or abandonment trauma in your life, this kind of unpredictable communication often feels triggering. It’s hard to trust someone who makes you feel seen and heard when you’re face to face, only to disappear completely in the time between. Communication is as much about the words that are spoken as much as the words that go unspoken. Silence speaks volumes, too. Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind One of the harsher realities about ADHD is that it often [...]

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Different Attachment Styles and How They Impact Your Relationships

Different Attachment Styles and How They Impact Your Relationships

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-25T12:08:17+00:00April 25th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the great things about good stories is how they can surprise you. You may have thought that a story was going to go one way, and then things take a surprising turn into new territory, sweeping you along with it. Our lives are often like that – where your story is now and has been in the past doesn’t mean there aren’t still surprises ahead. It means that when all is said and done, our story may look vastly different than it does now. This can be incredible news, especially if your story up till now isn’t what you want or wanted for yourself. If you’re struggling in your relationships with others and find yourself falling into the same unhealthy patterns of relating to them, that doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. By learning your own patterns, where they come from, and how they affect you, you can begin growing and developing new ways of doing things. Attachment Styles – What Are Those? You may or may not have encountered the term ‘attachment style’ before. It refers to how we form and maintain our relationships with other people. Each person has a distinct and predominant style regarding how they relate to others. That’s one reason you can often see patterns across different relationships – one of the common denominators in those scenarios is you and how you do things. A person’s attachment style is usually based on or develops according to the pattern of our earliest interactions with the people in our lives. These people include parents or caregivers, who have the most to do with a child and their well-being in their early years. How you and your caregiver interact can influence you immensely because that is where you first learn how things work, and that’s [...]

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What is Codependency and How Do I Know if I Have It?

What is Codependency and How Do I Know if I Have It?

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-17T11:26:37+00:00April 17th, 2025|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency can be influenced by various factors, including but not limited to low self-esteem, family dynamics, and insecure attachment styles. For example, survivors of traumas may internalize the belief that they are responsible for the happiness and well-being of others, leading to codependent tendencies. What is codependency? Codependency can be defined as an excessive reliance emotionally or psychologically on a person or thing that supports a belief in one’s identity. Part of being codependent is allowing your identity to rely on the validation of others. We all have a natural longing to belong or be accepted. No one wants to feel like they don’t belong or feel rejected. Codependency is often rooted in a childhood experience that has created an idea of who you are. For example, “I am worthy if I make this person smile or happy.” Then you develop ways that you have found work to make others happy or smile; for example, jokes, acting silly, getting good grades, not being late, working hard, and being the peacemaker. As we continue life using these ways to manage the uncomfortable feeling of rejection instead of understanding why we have this excessive need to please others, we can become overwhelmed and exhausted. It would seem to be a natural way to find a way to manage an uncomfortable feeling and make the encounter more comfortable. Perhaps you can think of a time when a parent, friend, or spouse became angry or sad and you sensed either their sadness or anger. How does codependency work? Some may think they best manage the uncomfortable situation by avoiding the person. Or they may realize the situation becomes more manageable if they somehow do something to help that person “change” their behavior or that uncomfortable anger or sadness. In looking into a codependent [...]

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Working Through Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

Working Through Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-04-08T10:42:14+00:00April 8th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Our bodies and minds don’t always do what we tell them to. You could be on a date, and all you’re trying to do is stay calm and not come across a certain way, but there’s no guarantee that your mind and body are going to comply with this request. It can sometimes feel like your mind is actively working against you and your well-being. That’s certainly the case with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Most people can probably pinpoint a time when they felt anxious, or when a thought entered their mind unbidden. Such experiences can range from being mildly uncomfortable to being downright distressing. The good news is that they can be dealt with effectively, helping to restore calm and peace in your life. Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts Anxiety is the feeling of nervousness, fear, or worry that you experience when you’re in a situation that feels unsettling, frightening, or threatening. When you feel anxious, it’s often accompanied by racing thoughts, feeling restless and irritable, and you may even have a rapid heartbeat and be unable to sleep. Anxiety may last for a few moments after you’ve been in a frightening situation, but it can also linger, pointing to an ongoing condition. Intrusive thoughts are distressing and unwanted images, thoughts, urges, or ideas that enter a person’s mind. These thoughts can be unwanted for a variety of reasons, including the fact that the thoughts go against one’s personal values. These two can feed off each other and worsen things. Some of the connections between them include the following: Intrusive thoughts fuel anxiety Having unwanted thoughts piling into your mind can be quite distressing, and because these thoughts come and go as they please, and because some of them can be shocking, it can make you more anxious. This [...]

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