Kate Motaung, Carrollton Christian Counseling

Different Attachment Styles and How They Impact Your Relationships

Different Attachment Styles and How They Impact Your Relationships

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-25T12:08:17+00:00April 25th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the great things about good stories is how they can surprise you. You may have thought that a story was going to go one way, and then things take a surprising turn into new territory, sweeping you along with it. Our lives are often like that – where your story is now and has been in the past doesn’t mean there aren’t still surprises ahead. It means that when all is said and done, our story may look vastly different than it does now. This can be incredible news, especially if your story up till now isn’t what you want or wanted for yourself. If you’re struggling in your relationships with others and find yourself falling into the same unhealthy patterns of relating to them, that doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. By learning your own patterns, where they come from, and how they affect you, you can begin growing and developing new ways of doing things. Attachment Styles – What Are Those? You may or may not have encountered the term ‘attachment style’ before. It refers to how we form and maintain our relationships with other people. Each person has a distinct and predominant style regarding how they relate to others. That’s one reason you can often see patterns across different relationships – one of the common denominators in those scenarios is you and how you do things. A person’s attachment style is usually based on or develops according to the pattern of our earliest interactions with the people in our lives. These people include parents or caregivers, who have the most to do with a child and their well-being in their early years. How you and your caregiver interact can influence you immensely because that is where you first learn how things work, and that’s [...]

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What is Codependency and How Do I Know if I Have It?

What is Codependency and How Do I Know if I Have It?

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-17T11:26:37+00:00April 17th, 2025|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency can be influenced by various factors, including but not limited to low self-esteem, family dynamics, and insecure attachment styles. For example, survivors of traumas may internalize the belief that they are responsible for the happiness and well-being of others, leading to codependent tendencies. What is codependency? Codependency can be defined as an excessive reliance emotionally or psychologically on a person or thing that supports a belief in one’s identity. Part of being codependent is allowing your identity to rely on the validation of others. We all have a natural longing to belong or be accepted. No one wants to feel like they don’t belong or feel rejected. Codependency is often rooted in a childhood experience that has created an idea of who you are. For example, “I am worthy if I make this person smile or happy.” Then you develop ways that you have found work to make others happy or smile; for example, jokes, acting silly, getting good grades, not being late, working hard, and being the peacemaker. As we continue life using these ways to manage the uncomfortable feeling of rejection instead of understanding why we have this excessive need to please others, we can become overwhelmed and exhausted. It would seem to be a natural way to find a way to manage an uncomfortable feeling and make the encounter more comfortable. Perhaps you can think of a time when a parent, friend, or spouse became angry or sad and you sensed either their sadness or anger. How does codependency work? Some may think they best manage the uncomfortable situation by avoiding the person. Or they may realize the situation becomes more manageable if they somehow do something to help that person “change” their behavior or that uncomfortable anger or sadness. In looking into a codependent [...]

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Working Through Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

Working Through Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-04-08T10:42:14+00:00April 8th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Our bodies and minds don’t always do what we tell them to. You could be on a date, and all you’re trying to do is stay calm and not come across a certain way, but there’s no guarantee that your mind and body are going to comply with this request. It can sometimes feel like your mind is actively working against you and your well-being. That’s certainly the case with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Most people can probably pinpoint a time when they felt anxious, or when a thought entered their mind unbidden. Such experiences can range from being mildly uncomfortable to being downright distressing. The good news is that they can be dealt with effectively, helping to restore calm and peace in your life. Anxiety and Intrusive Thoughts Anxiety is the feeling of nervousness, fear, or worry that you experience when you’re in a situation that feels unsettling, frightening, or threatening. When you feel anxious, it’s often accompanied by racing thoughts, feeling restless and irritable, and you may even have a rapid heartbeat and be unable to sleep. Anxiety may last for a few moments after you’ve been in a frightening situation, but it can also linger, pointing to an ongoing condition. Intrusive thoughts are distressing and unwanted images, thoughts, urges, or ideas that enter a person’s mind. These thoughts can be unwanted for a variety of reasons, including the fact that the thoughts go against one’s personal values. These two can feed off each other and worsen things. Some of the connections between them include the following: Intrusive thoughts fuel anxiety Having unwanted thoughts piling into your mind can be quite distressing, and because these thoughts come and go as they please, and because some of them can be shocking, it can make you more anxious. This [...]

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Emotional Neglect in Relationships: Why It Happens and How to Remedy It

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-23T16:20:14+00:00March 24th, 2025|Dental|

The people you are close to play an important role in your life. One of the key predictors of well-being is whether we’re in healthy relationships with others, whether it’s with a spouse, friends, siblings, colleagues, or neighbors. Some relationships will have a deeper and more lasting impact compared to others, but the point is that as relational and social creatures, the health of our relationships is immensely important. If the health of our relationships matters for our well-being, it pays to know why those relationships can go wrong, and how to remedy it. One of the key areas where a relationship can be unhealthy is when emotional neglect is taking place. Emotional Neglect in Relationships Emotional neglect is an unfortunate reality in many relationships. Whether it’s between parents and their children, siblings, or in a romantic relationship, it’s possible for loved ones to experience emotional neglect. Emotional neglect can be understood as a type of abuse. When a person is neglected emotionally, their emotional needs are consistently ignored, dismissed, or disregarded. What adds to the pain of emotional neglect is that the ones who are disregarding or dismissing another’s emotional needs are the same people who carry the responsibility to meet those needs. Partners, caregivers, or parents are responsible to others to meet their needs, and it’s part of what makes the relationship a healthy one. Emotional neglect can take various forms, including minimizing or trivializing the other person’s experiences; being unavailable and unresponsive when called upon; showing little to no interest in the others’ feelings, thoughts, or experiences; not providing reassurance or comfort; ignoring or dismissing the other’s emotions; withholding validation and support; and not acknowledging or apologizing for hurtful or harmful behavior. When emotional neglect is present in a relationship, it can have a detrimental effect [...]

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5 Good Boundaries to Draw With People Who Have Caused Trauma

5 Good Boundaries to Draw With People Who Have Caused Trauma

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-03-10T04:45:12+00:00March 10th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

One of the most critical aspects of our emotional freedom is to forgive those who have hurt us. This is especially true for people who have suffered trauma or abuse. A person with a traumatic past may need the help of forgiveness to move past it and thrive in their lives. However, just because a person has forgiven someone does not mean they need to give them access to their lives. Good Boundaries to Draw With Causers of Trauma Boundaries help people limit access to interaction with them and what they can know about them. A person who wants to protect themselves from suffering trauma again needs to draw proper boundaries with that person. Here are five good boundaries to draw with people who have caused trauma: Time Boundaries Limit the amount of time you spend with a person. If you see that person regularly, limiting the time you spend talking with that person is essential. A person who has subjected you to trauma and is not repentant may quickly come back to that topic and cause you pain and harm by denying the behavior even existed. This can re-trigger the pain you are trying to get past. Furthermore, a person who has subjected you to trauma wants to know more about you. By spending more time with you, they can learn more details about your life. Draw a reasonable time boundary and limit their time with you or your loved ones. Space Boundaries Similarly, limit or restrict their ability to get close to you. A person who is close to you in proximity can try to hug you or, even worse, abuse you. To protect yourself, you need to draw a space boundary. Give yourself some physical distance between yourself and the person who has caused you trauma. [...]

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Signs of Alcohol Dependence and Some Effective Treatment Options in Carrollton, Texas

Signs of Alcohol Dependence and Some Effective Treatment Options in Carrollton, Texas

Kate Motaung2025-03-07T14:17:43+00:00March 7th, 2025|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Many people have a complicated relationship with alcohol. One person’s experience may be related to happy and enjoyable memories, while for another it’s associated with dark and painful ones. Each person must navigate how they will deal with alcohol, and it helps to be informed about some of the ways it can negatively affect someone, such as with alcohol dependence. Various substances such as prescription and recreational drugs affect the brain. Likewise, alcohol can produce pleasurable feelings and also blunt negative ones. It has a powerful effect on the brain, which can make it appealing. This temporary relief can motivate someone to turn to alcohol again and again, even when it poses possible significant risks to their health and overall well-being. You can become dependent on alcohol even without recognizing it. What is Alcohol Dependence? When you depend on something, it means that it plays a significant role in your life. When a person is dependent on alcohol, they may feel as though they cannot function without consuming alcohol. Alcohol assumes an important role in their life, and often they have to drink more of it to obtain the same effect as before. Alcohol becomes a priority, superseding other activities or obligations. When a person is dependent on alcohol, they may not only prioritize alcohol over other things like family or work, but they may continue to consume alcohol even when it becomes destructive. Even if they’ve begun experiencing the harmful consequences of drinking, such as getting a DUI, losing their job, being diagnosed with liver disease, or other mental health challenges, they will continue to drink. Alcohol dependence is marked by the impaired ability to stop or control one’s intake and use of alcohol. Alcohol dependence is one of a cluster of terms that are often used interchangeably to [...]

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Knowing the Difference Between a Big Appetite and Binge Eating in Teens

Knowing the Difference Between a Big Appetite and Binge Eating in Teens

Kate Motaung2025-02-26T05:46:12+00:00February 26th, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Jackson has been feeling lost since he recently realized his teenage son Jack Junior’s famous appetite may have evolved into a binge eating disorder. As a single dad, born and raised on a ranch in Texas, surrounded mostly by cowboys who don’t talk much about emotion, Jackson is not quite sure how to even broach this topic with his son. All sorts of questions keep floating around in his head. “How did I not notice that my kid might have an eating disorder sooner?”. “How can I know for sure if my son is binge eating?”. “How and why did this develop into a disorder?”. “How much of a problem is this condition?”. With this article, we hope to answer most of Jackson’s questions and help any other parent who might find themselves in the same boat with their child. How did I not notice that my child might have an eating disorder sooner? The boy, Jack Jr., has always had a huge appetite and loves his steaks, drumsticks, potatoes, and gravy. You see, his mother, who recently passed away of cancer, was the ranch’s resident cook, so he has grown up surrounded by her rich cooking, literally eating it all up. What Jackson doesn’t know is that in recent months, Junior has endured relentless teasing at school for the way he looks with hurtful body-shaming nicknames that are thrown at him every day. Slowly he’s been finding ways to cope with the pain by seeking solace in food. It’s become his routine that when life throws too much at him, he just retreats to his room, locks the door, and starts binge eating whatever snacks he could find in the pantry or leftovers stashed in the fridge. Jack Junior can eat several bags of chips, cookies, a full [...]

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How to Communicate Better in the Workplace: Four Barriers to Effective Communication

How to Communicate Better in the Workplace: Four Barriers to Effective Communication

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-02-19T10:27:23+00:00February 19th, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development|

If you have ever seen a good communicator in the flow of expressing themselves, it can be both an inspiring and discouraging thing to witness. Some people seem to be able to express themselves naturally and effortlessly, while others have a host of issues to overcome. The encouraging news is that learning to communicate better is entirely possible; the first step is learning about the barriers that block effective communication. How to Communicate Better by Overcoming Assumptions Words are a small part of communication. People communicate with their personalities, their bodies, and even through silence. We take in and respond to large amounts of information daily without fully realizing that we are wordlessly communicating with those around us. For example, when a coworker who is normally chatty and vibrant comes into work and they are quiet, withdrawn, and disheveled in appearance, they are communicating something without even speaking. We might subconsciously take note of their behavior, body language, and appearance and deduce that they are struggling today. They have communicated something to us. How we treat them in response is us communicating back to them. We might be gracious to them, give them space by not engaging in small talk, or we might take the opportunity to ask them how they are. If we were to observe the changes in them and decide on the reasons for those changes, we would be assuming. It might be a correct assumption, but without asking them simple, non-invasive questions, we won’t know for sure what is going on. Assumptions might be correct, but by leaning on assumptions, we risk being incorrect. There remains a barrier between us and the person we’ve assumed about. Correct assumptions are just as unhelpful as incorrect assumptions, in some ways. Making assumptions means that there is a [...]

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4 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack

4 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-02-19T11:50:28+00:00February 19th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Panic attacks are more common than people realize. However, they may also be more challenging to recognize. A panic attack occurs when a person’s anxiety has been going on for some time, and they are stuck in a fight or flight response. This is when the parasympathetic nervous system continues to feel fear even when there’s no stimulus or reason to feel that fear. Panic can happen both in public and in private. A panic attack can cause embarrassment and humiliation, especially in a social situation. A panic attack can occur in an instant; they are challenging to detect because a person can be in the middle of the conversation and realize they are having a panic attack. 4 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack Panic attack symptoms mimic heart attack symptoms. A person may feel pain in the chest, a constant sense of fear, tingling or numbness in the arm, sweating palms, a shaking or fearful feeling, shortness of breath, etc. These symptoms can range from mild to severe and may cause someone to go to the emergency room. However, there are ways to stop a panic attack from getting too severe. Here are four ways to stop a panic attack: 1. Go Somewhere Alone Anxiety symptoms are complex enough to deal with. It can be uncomfortable if it happens in a social situation. They may want to hide the symptoms, so they don’t have to tell others what they feel. However, this can add to their stress if they fear peer rejection. It is essential to have someone supportive of you with you when you’re having a panic attack. If you sense your anxiety has been at a high level, let the supportive person know. If you need to leave, figure out a signal or word you [...]

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Why You Need a Personal Development Plan and How to Get Started

Why You Need a Personal Development Plan and How to Get Started

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-03-27T18:32:14+00:00January 31st, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Does the turn of the new year excite you? Do you think about what you want for your future? Or have you been living the same year repeatedly, much like Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day? You were created for a purpose, and it is not to repeat the same year over again. You can get clear on what you should do with a personal development plan. Why You Need a Personal Development Plan A personal development plan identifies your goals, strengths, and weaknesses. It uncovers what you need to learn or do to accomplish your goals. New skills will take you higher than you have ever been before in your personal and professional life. The following are more benefits of creating a personal development plan. It motivates you to accomplish goals A personal development plan motivates you to accomplish goals that otherwise might be out of reach. It gets to the bottom of why you want to achieve a specific goal. When the tasks to reach the goal become challenging and you no longer feel motivated, the reason why you chose this goal will motivate you once more. A personal development plan keeps you focused on the reason behind the goal. It teaches you goal setting principles There is an art to setting goals; people who understand the principles and follow through achieve more than those who make vague statements. Anyone can declare that they want to do something, but it will probably never happen if they do not make their goal specific and time bound. It helps identify your strengths and weaknesses To reach the next level, you must honestly assess your strengths and weaknesses. You will also need to discern what strengths you want to build upon and what weaknesses you need to tackle first. For [...]

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