Tammy Varghese, Carrollton Christian Counseling

Avoidance Anxiety and How It Affects Relationships

Avoidance Anxiety and How It Affects Relationships

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-05-09T07:01:47+00:00May 9th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There’s something about unpleasant experiences that just shouts, “Don’t do this again!”. We instinctively tend to avoid unsavory things to save ourselves time and effort and to preserve our peace of mind. For example, if you have a bad experience at an eating establishment, you’re unlikely to patronize it again. It can be scary getting into a car again after an accident or it may feel uncomfortable walking where you were mugged. We tend to avoid the unpleasant, or what reminds us of unpleasant experiences. This can be advantageous, for the reasons already mentioned. However, it can also have a downside. There are situations in which it is necessary to face unpleasant things for another, bigger purpose. You may not enjoy public speaking, for example, but it enables you to effectively communicate your ideas to more people. In key instances in life, it may be necessary to face the things that make you anxious or that you ordinarily try to avoid. Understanding avoidance anxiety and its impact on your life can help you take steps to deal with this anxiety and reclaim your freedom and ability to enter diverse situations unhindered by fear. Avoidance Anxiety Unpacked We all have moments or situations that make us anxious. Perhaps it is dinner with your family, talking or eating in public, going to a social event, a first date or job interview, driving, addressing conflict, or any number of other circumstances. When you feel anxious, your body reacts by activating your fight-flight-freeze response. This is one of the ways your body prepares you to act in ways that protect you and your well-being. Anxiety doesn’t feel pleasant. It includes signs such as a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, racing thoughts and restlessness, and even feelings of dread. When you’re anxious, it can feel [...]

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Different Attachment Styles and How They Impact Your Relationships

Different Attachment Styles and How They Impact Your Relationships

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-25T12:08:17+00:00April 25th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the great things about good stories is how they can surprise you. You may have thought that a story was going to go one way, and then things take a surprising turn into new territory, sweeping you along with it. Our lives are often like that – where your story is now and has been in the past doesn’t mean there aren’t still surprises ahead. It means that when all is said and done, our story may look vastly different than it does now. This can be incredible news, especially if your story up till now isn’t what you want or wanted for yourself. If you’re struggling in your relationships with others and find yourself falling into the same unhealthy patterns of relating to them, that doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. By learning your own patterns, where they come from, and how they affect you, you can begin growing and developing new ways of doing things. Attachment Styles – What Are Those? You may or may not have encountered the term ‘attachment style’ before. It refers to how we form and maintain our relationships with other people. Each person has a distinct and predominant style regarding how they relate to others. That’s one reason you can often see patterns across different relationships – one of the common denominators in those scenarios is you and how you do things. A person’s attachment style is usually based on or develops according to the pattern of our earliest interactions with the people in our lives. These people include parents or caregivers, who have the most to do with a child and their well-being in their early years. How you and your caregiver interact can influence you immensely because that is where you first learn how things work, and that’s [...]

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What is Codependency and How Do I Know if I Have It?

What is Codependency and How Do I Know if I Have It?

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-17T11:26:37+00:00April 17th, 2025|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Codependency can be influenced by various factors, including but not limited to low self-esteem, family dynamics, and insecure attachment styles. For example, survivors of traumas may internalize the belief that they are responsible for the happiness and well-being of others, leading to codependent tendencies. What is codependency? Codependency can be defined as an excessive reliance emotionally or psychologically on a person or thing that supports a belief in one’s identity. Part of being codependent is allowing your identity to rely on the validation of others. We all have a natural longing to belong or be accepted. No one wants to feel like they don’t belong or feel rejected. Codependency is often rooted in a childhood experience that has created an idea of who you are. For example, “I am worthy if I make this person smile or happy.” Then you develop ways that you have found work to make others happy or smile; for example, jokes, acting silly, getting good grades, not being late, working hard, and being the peacemaker. As we continue life using these ways to manage the uncomfortable feeling of rejection instead of understanding why we have this excessive need to please others, we can become overwhelmed and exhausted. It would seem to be a natural way to find a way to manage an uncomfortable feeling and make the encounter more comfortable. Perhaps you can think of a time when a parent, friend, or spouse became angry or sad and you sensed either their sadness or anger. How does codependency work? Some may think they best manage the uncomfortable situation by avoiding the person. Or they may realize the situation becomes more manageable if they somehow do something to help that person “change” their behavior or that uncomfortable anger or sadness. In looking into a codependent [...]

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Emotional Neglect in Relationships: Why It Happens and How to Remedy It

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-04-23T16:20:14+00:00March 24th, 2025|Dental|

The people you are close to play an important role in your life. One of the key predictors of well-being is whether we’re in healthy relationships with others, whether it’s with a spouse, friends, siblings, colleagues, or neighbors. Some relationships will have a deeper and more lasting impact compared to others, but the point is that as relational and social creatures, the health of our relationships is immensely important. If the health of our relationships matters for our well-being, it pays to know why those relationships can go wrong, and how to remedy it. One of the key areas where a relationship can be unhealthy is when emotional neglect is taking place. Emotional Neglect in Relationships Emotional neglect is an unfortunate reality in many relationships. Whether it’s between parents and their children, siblings, or in a romantic relationship, it’s possible for loved ones to experience emotional neglect. Emotional neglect can be understood as a type of abuse. When a person is neglected emotionally, their emotional needs are consistently ignored, dismissed, or disregarded. What adds to the pain of emotional neglect is that the ones who are disregarding or dismissing another’s emotional needs are the same people who carry the responsibility to meet those needs. Partners, caregivers, or parents are responsible to others to meet their needs, and it’s part of what makes the relationship a healthy one. Emotional neglect can take various forms, including minimizing or trivializing the other person’s experiences; being unavailable and unresponsive when called upon; showing little to no interest in the others’ feelings, thoughts, or experiences; not providing reassurance or comfort; ignoring or dismissing the other’s emotions; withholding validation and support; and not acknowledging or apologizing for hurtful or harmful behavior. When emotional neglect is present in a relationship, it can have a detrimental effect [...]

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4 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack

4 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-02-19T11:50:28+00:00February 19th, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Panic attacks are more common than people realize. However, they may also be more challenging to recognize. A panic attack occurs when a person’s anxiety has been going on for some time, and they are stuck in a fight or flight response. This is when the parasympathetic nervous system continues to feel fear even when there’s no stimulus or reason to feel that fear. Panic can happen both in public and in private. A panic attack can cause embarrassment and humiliation, especially in a social situation. A panic attack can occur in an instant; they are challenging to detect because a person can be in the middle of the conversation and realize they are having a panic attack. 4 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack Panic attack symptoms mimic heart attack symptoms. A person may feel pain in the chest, a constant sense of fear, tingling or numbness in the arm, sweating palms, a shaking or fearful feeling, shortness of breath, etc. These symptoms can range from mild to severe and may cause someone to go to the emergency room. However, there are ways to stop a panic attack from getting too severe. Here are four ways to stop a panic attack: 1. Go Somewhere Alone Anxiety symptoms are complex enough to deal with. It can be uncomfortable if it happens in a social situation. They may want to hide the symptoms, so they don’t have to tell others what they feel. However, this can add to their stress if they fear peer rejection. It is essential to have someone supportive of you with you when you’re having a panic attack. If you sense your anxiety has been at a high level, let the supportive person know. If you need to leave, figure out a signal or word you [...]

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A Few Healthy Ways of Dealing With Loneliness

A Few Healthy Ways of Dealing With Loneliness

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:07:46+00:00November 4th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling|

God created us as social and relational creatures. We flourish when we are in healthy relationships with other people, and we can struggle if we find ourselves feeling isolated. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Solitude can be good for a person, but loneliness can lead to poor mental and cardiovascular health, among other negative outcomes. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), loneliness is cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving yourself to be alone. It can be an objective as well as a subjective state in which one feels emotional distress when their inherent needs for intimacy and companionship are not met. The key difference between being alone and being lonely is that, in loneliness, you want the company of others, but that need is not being met. Reasons why people feel lonely People’s lives and circumstances vary, and there are many different reasons why people feel lonely. Living by yourself If you prefer to live with others but live alone, that can lead to loneliness. The longing for companionship can be difficult when you come home to an empty apartment or house. Loss of loved ones The elderly struggle significantly with loneliness, as they may have lost many loved ones and no longer have people in their social support network. If your closest confidant has passed away, or if you’ve been through a divorce, you can find yourself feeling lonely and isolated. A new situation If you’ve just moved to a new city or country, chances are you haven’t built up a network of people to hang out with. Until you build up those networks, loneliness is a possibility. Lack of intimacy in current relationships You may be far away from people you would consider trusted confidants. Perhaps you have fought [...]

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