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5 Ways to Help Your Partner Overcome Compulsive Buying

5 Ways to Help Your Partner Overcome Compulsive Buying

Grace Mavindidze2024-09-25T08:32:28+00:00July 19th, 2024|Coaching, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Popular media depicts many examples of compulsive shoppers; typically young, easygoing men and women obsessed with the latest clothes, jewelry, shoes, and bags. The sad truth is that compulsive buying is a disorder that can affect even the most unlikely people. You may even be surprised to discover that your partner is a compulsive shopper right under your nose. Unlike most addictions, compulsive buying may be easier to hide and easier to dismiss than other disorders. After all, the reason we fight to cure our loved ones from other addictions like drug, alcohol, sexual, or gambling addictions is that they openly hurt sufferers in obvious ways. Buying too much stuff doesn’t hurt anyone, does it? How compulsive buying can harm your relationship While it may be normal to give in to the occasional impulse to shop, it becomes a problem when some glaringly negative changes in someone’s spending habits appear. Just like any other addiction, compulsive shopping can become harmful, especially for relationships. Compulsive buying can be damaging if: It strains the family budget. It hinders paying bills on time. They open new credit accounts to allow for more shopping. They keep the excessive purchases secret. They prefer to shop over facing real emotions like anger, sadness, or loneliness. It alienates friends and family because they are preoccupied with shopping. Countless studies have noted that financial problems rank as one of the top causes of divorce, so it is important to help each other recognize this addiction in one of you before it destroys the fabric of your relationship. If you think your loved one is showing these telltale signs of compulsive buying or shopping addiction, you need to acknowledge it and start working toward getting them help. How to help your partner Give constant positive encouragement Point out [...]

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The Dynamics of Codependency

The Dynamics of Codependency

Wade Van Staden2024-09-25T08:31:30+00:00July 15th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a toxic dynamic in a relationship where two people become locked into a giving-and-taking imbalance. This means that one person (the giver) pours their energy, time, and resources into supporting the receiver or “enabler.” The giver needs to be needed, and the enabler needs to be in a position of primary importance in someone else’s life. There are varying degrees of severity with codependent relationships, but the result is usually two people trapped by each other and descending into bitterness and resentment. Recovery from codependency is possible, and it begins with self-reflection and awareness. Sometimes people need to see where they need help or healing to undo damaging situations, they have gotten themselves and others into. The giving flaws The givers in codependent relationships usually begin with people pleasing and pacifying from a young age. They are often highly empathetic people who derive genuine joy from making others happy. However, underlying this generous spirit is often a wound of feeling not good enough, unseen, or unworthy of affection. By nature, givers do not acknowledge or confront issues. They might be aware of problems with their self-esteem but will default to being the good friend, or the kind stranger to receive compliments, praise, and affection. This behavior might seem pleasant on the outside, but deep down it is subtly manipulative. What about enablers of codependency? In some ways, the enabler is the inverse of the giver. They appear more confident, less uncertain, and more obviously controlling. The giver comes to rely on the other person in the codependent relationship for their outspoken opinions, decisiveness, and perceived superiority. Where the giver’s motive is to people please, the enabler has a motive that is simply to have someone meet their needs. Their self-importance is often rooted in narcissism, and they will [...]

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Effects of Trauma: Physiological, Physical, Psychological, Behavioral, and Emotional

Effects of Trauma: Physiological, Physical, Psychological, Behavioral, and Emotional

Sandra Stein2024-09-25T08:30:03+00:00June 26th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Trauma comes in many forms. The effects of trauma can be a response to any number of experiences or events such as a natural disaster, being in a combat zone, physical abuse, rape, witnessing an act of violence, severe illness or injury, being involved in a car crash, bullying, or childhood abandonment or neglect. Each person’s reaction to trauma is unique. What may be traumatic for one person may not be for someone else. The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) describes it as “an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or threatening and that has lasting adverse effects.” Sometimes the effects of trauma are experienced immediately. Sometimes they may be delayed and not manifest until years later. Either way, even when you don’t consciously remember it, unresolved or improperly processed trauma can change the way you think, act, feel, and process information, and have a profound and lasting impact on your mental and emotional stability, self-image, and outlook of the future. An out-of-control response to trauma can negatively impact the quality of every area of your life, from work performance to relationships to your ability to perform daily tasks. Physiological effects of trauma When you experience a traumatic event, your body’s defense system kicks into action, triggering physiological responses that charge your brain and prepare you to react quickly to protect yourself from danger. As stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released into your system you are likely to also experience physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, heightened awareness, racing thoughts, cold hands, and quicker, shallower breathing. This fight or flight response to the perceived threat is an automatically generated survival mechanism over which you have no control. Ideally, [...]

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Self-Care Activities You Can Do Daily that Improve Your Mental Health

Self-Care Activities You Can Do Daily that Improve Your Mental Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:08:32+00:00May 24th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

The idea of self-care can often feel unattainable, especially during times of stress, busyness, or when we feel overwhelmed. While we recognize the benefits of self-care, taking time to do things for ourselves feels impossible. When life is busy or we feel burdened, we don’t feel like we can stop and go on vacation or go get a massage. While these self-care activities are good, they often become one more thing we can’t seem to do right. Instead of looking for self-care activities that take us out of our everyday lives, we can find things to incorporate into our lives that bring peace. They may not be things that change what is stressing us out. However, participating in attainable self-care activities can fortify our mental wellness so we can better navigate whatever season we are walking through in life. The key to making this work It’s not about finding the magic thing to do or the dream vacation to take. This is all about keeping things realistic and within reach. They need to be activities that you can incorporate into your life without becoming burdensome. If they are easy to incorporate, you are more likely to do them. Similarly, they need to be things that you enjoy. It’s great to read a list of ideas, but if none of them help you, they are useless. Sometimes it is helpful to try things you wouldn’t ordinarily do. This gives you the chance to discover new activities and their potential benefits in your life. Whatever you choose to do, try it a few times before deciding if it’s right for you. Sometimes you need to settle into how it works or how it makes you feel before deciding if it’s right for you. The great thing about these ideas is that [...]

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Could It Be ADHD? Identifying Symptoms of ADHD

Could It Be ADHD? Identifying Symptoms of ADHD

Melissa Plantz2024-09-25T08:32:10+00:00May 22nd, 2024|ADHD/ADD, Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Imagine this scenario: You’re at your workplace, and your boss has just handed you a crucial project with a major client. You reassure yourself that you’ll focus and get the job done, but your mind keeps drifting. Maybe you find yourself gazing out the window, lost in thought. Or a random idea pops into your head, and you’re instantly immersed in a web search for answers. Perhaps every notification sound distracts you. These may be symptoms of ADHD. If you have been struggling with ADHD symptoms for years, you may find that they worsen as an adult. No longer can you blame your youth for your inability to wait your turn or keep still. You need to know how to recognize ADHD symptoms and how you can keep them from interfering with your life. ADHD is the acronym for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADHD symptoms typically appear during childhood. If left untreated, the child can experience ADHD symptoms as an adult, which will interfere with their relationships and work. Symptoms of ADHD Symptoms of ADHD can include hyperactivity, or they may not. Not everyone experiences that specific behavior. In the past, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and ADHD were considered two separate disorders, but since they can overlap, ADHD is the umbrella term used by most professionals. The following is a list of common ADHD symptoms. Constant movement (fidgeting) Constant movement, also known as fidgeting, is not necessarily wrong. Although it may distract others, fidgeting actually helps someone with ADHD to focus. The movement allows the mind to razor in on what someone is saying or on a project. Fidgeting has become so well accepted now that fidget toys are sold in stores and encouraged in classrooms. Interrupting others People living with ADHD may interrupt others. This behavior is not meant [...]

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6 Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

6 Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T14:48:39+00:00April 26th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Relationships of all sorts such as romantic couplings, a parent and child, or between siblings, can be various shades of healthy and unhealthy. When human relationships are at their best, their beauty shines through even in sorrow at the loss of a loved one. However, when a relationship is unhealthy or at its worst, such as when emotional abuse is present, even the moments of joy in the relationship can taste like ash. People can relate to one another in familiar but toxic patterns that may be obvious to people other than them because familiarity blinds them to what’s happening. By providing examples, it may highlight behaviors from others or that you engage in yourself that may constitute emotional abuse and that needs to be addressed. What is emotional abuse? Emotional abuse refers to a range of nonphysical behaviors that are aimed at punishing, controlling, demeaning, ignoring, or isolating another person. An emotionally abusive person may manipulate another using fear, humiliation, and other tactics to get what they want. It can happen in any kind of relationship, such as between parents and children, employers and their workers, and romantic partners. When a person emotionally abuses another, a person may simply be reenacting patterns of behavior that they learned in other formative relationships. However, just because it’s unintentional, that doesn’t reduce the harm caused, and emotional abuse needs to be addressed. Signs and examples There are some signs that you should look for that point to emotional abuse. Often, the person that experiences it feels tired or depressed after interactions with the abuser. A person’s sense of confidence may suffer, and they may begin pulling away from other relationships. Some examples of emotional abuse include: Gaslighting This is when a person manipulates their counterpart into distrusting their judgment, memory, or [...]

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Understanding the Power of Habits: Formation and Impact

Understanding the Power of Habits: Formation and Impact

Joanna Kucherera2024-09-25T08:33:42+00:00April 17th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Who we become is a subtotal of our daily habits. How we choose to live our lives and define who we are is determined by those things we do almost automatically. Habits can be defined as behavior acquired through repetition and happen subconsciously, meaning we do not put any thought into it. Most times we are not aware of what it is we are doing or how it is contributing to our welfare and our lives in general. For us to recognize the power that habits have on our lives, we need to clarify for ourselves which ones we have and whether they are serving us. Carl Jung is quoted to have said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” In this statement, he makes the point that habits influence our lives. This influence can either be negative or positive. The hope is that if we are conscious of our them, we give ourselves the ability to continue with those that serve us and whom we want to become and start letting go of those that are distracting. How do habits form? In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear says, “Success is the product of daily habits, not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.” Our habits are formed and reinforced by what we choose to do each day. The formation of habits is a three-step process according to the Power of Habit, as described by Charles Duhigg (2012). A habit is etched in our neuropathways due to this three-step process called the habit loop. It starts with a cue, then a routine, and finally a reward. Below is a simpler explanation of how this works: Cue This is the first part of habit formation. A cue is a trigger that prompts us into [...]

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Teen Issues: Coming Meaningfully Alongside Your Teenager

Teen Issues: Coming Meaningfully Alongside Your Teenager

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-25T08:45:45+00:00February 29th, 2024|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Being young is often associated with being carefree and happy. If you look at commercials, social media, and much of our art, it is a celebration of youth and the vitality associated with it. Young people are also valorized as harbingers of the future, and as the ones who hold their elders’ feet to the fire about pressing issues that will affect them in the future. All that may be true enough, but it doesn’t tell the whole story, at least as it relates to teens and teen issues. If you have a teen in your life, you’ve likely experienced the vitality and vibrancy of having a young adult living in your home. But you’ve probably also experienced a variety of other emotions too, as your teen comes to terms with getting older and making their way in the world. If you are a parent or a caregiver to a teen, it may be helpful to know how to meaningfully come alongside your teen in this season of their lives. The teen years are complicated by teen issues. Whatever else they may be, the teen years are complicated. For one thing, a teen is located somewhere between being a young child and an adult. They may not need the same level of guidance as when they were younger, but they can’t handle the responsibility of making adult decisions either. This can be a source of tension in the home as both the teen and their parent figure out the new rules of engagement. Teen issues come in many flavors, including some of the following: Changes in their body. As puberty hits, one’s body changes. It can be quite bewildering to know your own body as being one thing for a decade or more, and then for it to begin [...]

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Understanding and Working On Emotional Distance in Families

Understanding and Working On Emotional Distance in Families

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-25T08:45:37+00:00February 8th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

A person’s family is foundational in shaping who they are. Sometimes that shaping is positive, but at other times it’s negative. Your family teaches you the importance of certain values, whether through example or omission. None of us chooses our family, but the people who comprise our family make a deep and lifelong impression on us. Emotional distance can negatively impact families. Each family has its own characteristics, its own intricate dynamic that flows from the combination of the lives of each member. It’s not unheard of for a new member of the family, whether through birth, marriage, or adoption, to shift the trajectory of that family and the way family members relate to one another. Some families are close, enjoying spending time together, while others are fragmented and want nothing to do with one another. Whatever situation you find yourself in, especially if it’s unhealthy, it’s good to know that the situation is not immutable. With work and intentionality, change can happen, and your family can become the sort of nurturing and welcoming community you would like it to be. Emotional distance in perspective. When you consider the human capacity for emotion, it’s enough to leave you speechless. We can be angry, sad, jubilant, curious, confused, disturbed, and many other shades of feeling in between. These feelings find expression in our words, our bodily movements, the tone of our voices, and our facial expressions. Depending on a person’s age and personality, what makes them experience these feelings and how they express these emotions will also differ. Given this broad range of emotions and understanding that individuals and families have their own personalities, how these emotions find expression, and what one feels comfortable with will vary widely. Some families are boisterous, show their emotions easily, and are emotionally transparent. [...]

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Regaining Joy After Pregnancy Loss

Regaining Joy After Pregnancy Loss

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-25T08:32:55+00:00January 10th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Losing a loved one is tough. Losing a child is tougher. There is something about losing a child that hits differently. A parent shouldn’t lay a child to rest in a casket. But it happens quite a bit. It has been happening since the garden. One of the most complicated losses is pregnancy loss. Questions and grief plague the minds of the parents. There is not as much closure with pregnancy loss as there is in other instances of losing a child. Throughout God’s word, we see parents losing a child. We try to imagine the pain, but unless we have experienced the loss firsthand, we don’t quite understand the gravity of that pain. One of the first examples of child loss is Able. This wasn’t a pregnancy loss, but it was still a time when parents lost a child. Parents must grieve, but it is also important that they regain joy. We can read in the Bible how Eve may have been grieving the loss of Abel when she gave birth to another son by the reason she gave for naming him, Seth. She states that God gave her a child in place of the one she lost. Adam had relations with his wife again; and she gave birth to a son, and named him Seth, for, she said, “God has appointed me another child in place of Abel, because Cain killed him.” – Genesis 4:25, NASB There is no replacing one child for another. But when you do decide to have another child after pregnancy loss, you can begin to find the joy that babies bring. This is not to say that you have forgotten the loss, it simply means that you are regaining joy. Healing Scriptures. Most of the time the physical healing is complete long [...]

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