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Work Boundaries: The Value of Taking Breaks

Work Boundaries: The Value of Taking Breaks

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T09:10:34+00:00November 7th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development|

You may have caught yourself doing it. You’re at a party or a gathering related to your kids like a sports event. You strike up a conversation with another person, and before you know it, you ask them what they do for a living, or they ask you about yourself and you start talking about your work. Sometimes it seems as though we can never get away from our work because we have no work boundaries. For many of us, our lives are defined by our work. Most of our waking hours are tied closely with work, whether that’s our morning commute to work, thinking about deadlines and meetings, gaining skills to make us better at our job, resolving a thorny interpersonal issue that’s arisen there, or thinking about getting a different job than the one we have. The Place of Work in Our Lives The work that we do provides us with many things. We can derive our sense of purpose, resources to support our family and pursue other passions, and a means of serving our community through our work. The work that takes up your day might not be remunerated with a salary, but that doesn’t diminish its significance or impact. Work can be deeply fulfilling even when it isn’t a career. Work has existed since the beginning of creation, and despite what the Monday blues tell you, work is fundamentally good. It existed in the garden before people rebelled against God and our work became a burdensome toil (Genesis 2:15; Genesis 3:17-19). Work still provides us with pleasure, especially if it is good work that’s done well, but it’s also true that most of us have a love-hate relationship with our work. One of the other things that’s happened with us and our work is [...]

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Connecting Well with Others: Relationship Advice for Women

Connecting Well with Others: Relationship Advice for Women

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:06:17+00:00November 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

The greatest treasure in our lives is not all the stuff we have, including our homes, jobs, wealth, or looks. To be sure, those things all have their place in our lives, but the value they possess is limited. Rather, what is of greatest value is our relationships. these relationships can be with our friends, neighbors, siblings, and other family members, or our romantic partners. When these relationships are of a good quality, that impacts your overall well-being in a way little else can. “Stuff” is best enjoyed when it’s shared with your loved ones. It should come as no surprise that your relationships are of such importance. For one thing, people are deeply social and relational beings, something we get from our Heavenly Father. In the beginning, God created human beings in His image and likeness. That can mean many different things, including taking care of our world, but it also means there’s something about us that images God. God is love (1 John 4:16), and love is all about rich, deep, truthful, and healthy relationships with others. If the God we reflect is eternally Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, then it makes all the sense in the world that we are relational creatures too. Our overall well-being is intimately tied to our relationships. A person who has healthy, positive, and supportive relationships has a greater likelihood of being happier and healthier. Life isn’t always sunny, and we often encounter hardships such as death, losing a job, or struggles with our health. That’s why developing and maintaining good connections with other people matters. When we are going through hard times, those relationships can also help us to combat loneliness and improve mental health issues such as stress and anxiety. Some relationship advice for women Your relationships matter, and you [...]

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A Few Healthy Ways of Dealing With Loneliness

A Few Healthy Ways of Dealing With Loneliness

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:07:46+00:00November 4th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling|

God created us as social and relational creatures. We flourish when we are in healthy relationships with other people, and we can struggle if we find ourselves feeling isolated. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Solitude can be good for a person, but loneliness can lead to poor mental and cardiovascular health, among other negative outcomes. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), loneliness is cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving yourself to be alone. It can be an objective as well as a subjective state in which one feels emotional distress when their inherent needs for intimacy and companionship are not met. The key difference between being alone and being lonely is that, in loneliness, you want the company of others, but that need is not being met. Reasons why people feel lonely People’s lives and circumstances vary, and there are many different reasons why people feel lonely. Living by yourself If you prefer to live with others but live alone, that can lead to loneliness. The longing for companionship can be difficult when you come home to an empty apartment or house. Loss of loved ones The elderly struggle significantly with loneliness, as they may have lost many loved ones and no longer have people in their social support network. If your closest confidant has passed away, or if you’ve been through a divorce, you can find yourself feeling lonely and isolated. A new situation If you’ve just moved to a new city or country, chances are you haven’t built up a network of people to hang out with. Until you build up those networks, loneliness is a possibility. Lack of intimacy in current relationships You may be far away from people you would consider trusted confidants. Perhaps you have fought [...]

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12 Quick Coping Mechanisms for Stress

12 Quick Coping Mechanisms for Stress

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:07:56+00:00October 26th, 2024|Anxiety, Depression, Featured, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Have you noticed your response when you get a shock, like your car not starting? Or the slowly mounting worries as a deadline approaches? Almost all of us cope with the negative effects of stress every day. Whether we endure long-term, low-grade stress or periods of acute stress, both have significant effects on our bodies and minds. Consistent feelings of tension should not be ignored. Fortunately, we can understand what happens inside our bodies and adopt simple coping mechanisms for stress to help neutralize the harmful effects of daily stress. Your body’s reaction to stress, whether sudden or ongoing, is to engage your nervous system and open the adrenaline and cortisol taps into your bloodstream. These hormones increase our pulse, cause our blood sugar to climb, and push up our blood pressure. When you get a fright, this physiological reaction helps you deal with it better than you would have otherwise. But most of the stress you experience is chronic in the form of financial insecurity and challenging relationships. This stress prevents our bodies from calming down properly, and this damages our health. Do you recognize any of these symptoms of chronic stress? Anxiety and depression, weight gain, memory loss, stroke, and heart disease. Being able to recognize your body’s warning signs will help you take consistent and increased action to mitigate the effects of stress. It would do you the world of good to speak with a healthcare professional with the appropriate skills and experience if you are dealing with any of these symptoms: Inability to focus Frequent, terrible headaches Being bored by activities that used to interest you Inexplicable weight loss or increase Feelings of loneliness, alienation, or insignificance Always feeling angry and irritable Protracted periods of inadequate sleep Persistent worrying or compulsive thinking Too much alcohol [...]

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Blueprint for Battle: Winning the War with Mental and Emotional Health

Blueprint for Battle: Winning the War with Mental and Emotional Health

Kate Motaung2024-10-30T09:08:20+00:00September 30th, 2024|Featured, Personal Development, Professional Development, Spiritual Development|

It isn’t a coincidence that many of the challenges that we face concerning our mental and emotional health seem to disable us and halt our effectiveness in life. The enemy we face isn’t only one that seeks to kill, steal, and destroy in the natural sense. He also contends against our souls, in the inner person where everything that we see outside of us plays out from the inside. When we feel battered by life’s challenges, including the trauma of a troubled past, it can disarm and make us feel as if we cannot win. Although this is what our adversary desires, it isn’t the full picture. He may have orchestrated specific challenges, intending to annihilate our faith and strength. We see and experience it as challenges surface in one area and yet another, making us feel that we are surrounded and must succumb to the pressures of life. But that isn’t the end of the story. God repurposes those same difficulties, as places for us to encounter wisdom and compassion. Though it may not appear so, He has predetermined your triumph that affirms who we are in Him and reveals His glory in foreboding circumstances (1 Corinthians 15:57). We can take hope and strength from the Bible. God’s Word arms us with spiritual authority and practical steps to support us in battles that we encounter from the inside out. We need to remember that we have not been given a spirit of fear. The Lord has given us power, love, and a sound mind, and our mental and emotional health does not have to unravel in the face of trouble (2 Timothy 1:7). Although He has equipped us with a spiritual arsenal to stand against our enemy, the battle we are called into isn’t ours at [...]

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How to Improve Communication in a Relationship: Fun Communication Games

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship: Fun Communication Games

Stephanie Kramer2024-09-25T10:19:16+00:00August 29th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Experts frequently emphasize the importance of communication in relationships. Just because communication is a cornerstone of quality relationships doesn’t mean that it can be fun. Incorporating communication games into your routine can make the process of communication both enjoyable and effective. They can also help you improve your communication skills and enhance your relationships. Fun Communication Games Two truths and a lie: Couple’s version Share three statements about yourself – two of those statements being truthful and one being a lie. Then your partner must guess which statement is a lie. This game encourages sharing personal stories and helps you learn more about each other in a fun way. For new couples, this can be a great way to get to know each other and improve communication. If you have been with your partner for a while, consider making the statements more about how you feel or dreams you might have since they are likely to know a lot about your past. The question game Take turns asking each other intriguing or thought-provoking questions. These questions can range from “What is your favorite childhood memory?” to “If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?” The goal is to spark meaningful conversations and discover new things about each other. You can also learn more about your partner’s career or personal goals and priorities through this game. Compliment tag Just like in the traditional game of Tag, you and your partner will take turns tagging each other. But in this version of the game, you will be giving each other genuine compliments rather than a tag on the arm. This game will boost positivity and reinforce appreciation and affection in the relationship. The compliments can be general or specific. Mention how much you like their new [...]

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Male Postpartum Depression: Is It a Thing?

Male Postpartum Depression: Is It a Thing?

Sandra Stein2024-09-25T08:33:56+00:00August 6th, 2024|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues|

Male postpartum depression is real. It is a form of depression characterized by significant mental and emotional distress that often goes unidentified because so many men are reluctant to talk about their feelings or reach out for help. The subject of dads’ mental health is always met with skepticism. You always get, ‘What about mom?’ in response. And moms’ mental health is important. But dads’ is, too. – Anthony J. Nedelman It has been estimated that approximately twenty-five percent of new dads experience mild symptoms of postpartum depression following the birth of a new baby, and 8 to 10 percent are diagnosed with it. This has been corroborated by a 2023 survey of fathers in the United States conducted by Verywell Mind and Parents that found that 9 percent of men experienced postpartum depression, and another 12 percent said both they and their spouses struggled with it. What does male postpartum depression look like? Symptoms of male postpartum depression can include anger, irritability, anxiety, sadness, intrusive thoughts of inadvertently harming the baby, loss of interest in hobbies or activities usually enjoyed, aloofness, violent or aggressive behavior, headaches, muscle pain, digestive problems, changes in appetite and sleep patterns, fatigue, indecisiveness, trouble concentrating or making decisions, emotional blunting, impulsivity, and/or feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt. Why do men get postpartum depression? Many potential risk factors can contribute to male postpartum depression. The most common ones include hormonal changes, pre-existing history of depression or anxiety, feeling disconnected and excluded as mom bonds with baby and focuses on meeting his or her needs, marital discord, sleep deprivation, financial stress, spouse with postpartum depression, and feeling overwhelmed by the added responsibilities of parenthood. How is it diagnosed? Most often, male postpartum depression is diagnosed through a clinical interview with a mental health professional. [...]

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5 Ways to Help Your Partner Overcome Compulsive Buying

5 Ways to Help Your Partner Overcome Compulsive Buying

Grace Mavindidze2024-09-25T08:32:28+00:00July 19th, 2024|Coaching, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Popular media depicts many examples of compulsive shoppers; typically young, easygoing men and women obsessed with the latest clothes, jewelry, shoes, and bags. The sad truth is that compulsive buying is a disorder that can affect even the most unlikely people. You may even be surprised to discover that your partner is a compulsive shopper right under your nose. Unlike most addictions, compulsive buying may be easier to hide and easier to dismiss than other disorders. After all, the reason we fight to cure our loved ones from other addictions like drug, alcohol, sexual, or gambling addictions is that they openly hurt sufferers in obvious ways. Buying too much stuff doesn’t hurt anyone, does it? How compulsive buying can harm your relationship While it may be normal to give in to the occasional impulse to shop, it becomes a problem when some glaringly negative changes in someone’s spending habits appear. Just like any other addiction, compulsive shopping can become harmful, especially for relationships. Compulsive buying can be damaging if: It strains the family budget. It hinders paying bills on time. They open new credit accounts to allow for more shopping. They keep the excessive purchases secret. They prefer to shop over facing real emotions like anger, sadness, or loneliness. It alienates friends and family because they are preoccupied with shopping. Countless studies have noted that financial problems rank as one of the top causes of divorce, so it is important to help each other recognize this addiction in one of you before it destroys the fabric of your relationship. If you think your loved one is showing these telltale signs of compulsive buying or shopping addiction, you need to acknowledge it and start working toward getting them help. How to help your partner Give constant positive encouragement Point out [...]

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The Dynamics of Codependency

The Dynamics of Codependency

Wade Van Staden2024-09-25T08:31:30+00:00July 15th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a toxic dynamic in a relationship where two people become locked into a giving-and-taking imbalance. This means that one person (the giver) pours their energy, time, and resources into supporting the receiver or “enabler.” The giver needs to be needed, and the enabler needs to be in a position of primary importance in someone else’s life. There are varying degrees of severity with codependent relationships, but the result is usually two people trapped by each other and descending into bitterness and resentment. Recovery from codependency is possible, and it begins with self-reflection and awareness. Sometimes people need to see where they need help or healing to undo damaging situations, they have gotten themselves and others into. The giving flaws The givers in codependent relationships usually begin with people pleasing and pacifying from a young age. They are often highly empathetic people who derive genuine joy from making others happy. However, underlying this generous spirit is often a wound of feeling not good enough, unseen, or unworthy of affection. By nature, givers do not acknowledge or confront issues. They might be aware of problems with their self-esteem but will default to being the good friend, or the kind stranger to receive compliments, praise, and affection. This behavior might seem pleasant on the outside, but deep down it is subtly manipulative. What about enablers of codependency? In some ways, the enabler is the inverse of the giver. They appear more confident, less uncertain, and more obviously controlling. The giver comes to rely on the other person in the codependent relationship for their outspoken opinions, decisiveness, and perceived superiority. Where the giver’s motive is to people please, the enabler has a motive that is simply to have someone meet their needs. Their self-importance is often rooted in narcissism, and they will [...]

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Effects of Trauma: Physiological, Physical, Psychological, Behavioral, and Emotional

Effects of Trauma: Physiological, Physical, Psychological, Behavioral, and Emotional

Sandra Stein2024-09-25T08:30:03+00:00June 26th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Trauma comes in many forms. The effects of trauma can be a response to any number of experiences or events such as a natural disaster, being in a combat zone, physical abuse, rape, witnessing an act of violence, severe illness or injury, being involved in a car crash, bullying, or childhood abandonment or neglect. Each person’s reaction to trauma is unique. What may be traumatic for one person may not be for someone else. The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) describes it as “an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or threatening and that has lasting adverse effects.” Sometimes the effects of trauma are experienced immediately. Sometimes they may be delayed and not manifest until years later. Either way, even when you don’t consciously remember it, unresolved or improperly processed trauma can change the way you think, act, feel, and process information, and have a profound and lasting impact on your mental and emotional stability, self-image, and outlook of the future. An out-of-control response to trauma can negatively impact the quality of every area of your life, from work performance to relationships to your ability to perform daily tasks. Physiological effects of trauma When you experience a traumatic event, your body’s defense system kicks into action, triggering physiological responses that charge your brain and prepare you to react quickly to protect yourself from danger. As stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released into your system you are likely to also experience physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, heightened awareness, racing thoughts, cold hands, and quicker, shallower breathing. This fight or flight response to the perceived threat is an automatically generated survival mechanism over which you have no control. Ideally, [...]

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