Individual Counseling

6 Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

2024-10-29T14:48:39+00:00April 26th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Relationships of all sorts such as romantic couplings, a parent and child, or between siblings, can be various shades of healthy and unhealthy. When human relationships are at their best, their beauty shines through even in sorrow at the loss of a loved one. However, when a relationship is unhealthy or at its worst, such as when emotional abuse is present, even the moments of joy in the relationship can taste like ash. People can relate to one another in familiar but toxic patterns that may be obvious to people other than them because familiarity blinds them to what’s happening. By providing examples, it may highlight behaviors from others or that you engage in yourself that may constitute emotional abuse and that needs to be addressed. What is emotional abuse? Emotional abuse refers to a range of nonphysical behaviors that are aimed at punishing, controlling, demeaning, ignoring, or isolating another person. An emotionally abusive person may manipulate another using fear, humiliation, and other tactics to get what they want. It can happen in any kind of relationship, such as between parents and children, employers and their workers, and romantic partners. When a person emotionally abuses another, a person may simply be reenacting patterns of behavior that they learned in other formative relationships. However, just because it’s unintentional, that doesn’t reduce the harm caused, and emotional abuse needs to be addressed. Signs and examples There are some signs that you should look for that point to emotional abuse. Often, the person that experiences it feels tired or depressed after interactions with the abuser. A person’s sense of confidence may suffer, and they may begin pulling away from other relationships. Some examples of emotional abuse include: Gaslighting This is when a person manipulates their counterpart into distrusting their judgment, memory, or [...]

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Understanding the Power of Habits: Formation and Impact

2024-09-25T08:33:42+00:00April 17th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Who we become is a subtotal of our daily habits. How we choose to live our lives and define who we are is determined by those things we do almost automatically. Habits can be defined as behavior acquired through repetition and happen subconsciously, meaning we do not put any thought into it. Most times we are not aware of what it is we are doing or how it is contributing to our welfare and our lives in general. For us to recognize the power that habits have on our lives, we need to clarify for ourselves which ones we have and whether they are serving us. Carl Jung is quoted to have said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” In this statement, he makes the point that habits influence our lives. This influence can either be negative or positive. The hope is that if we are conscious of our them, we give ourselves the ability to continue with those that serve us and whom we want to become and start letting go of those that are distracting. How do habits form? In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear says, “Success is the product of daily habits, not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.” Our habits are formed and reinforced by what we choose to do each day. The formation of habits is a three-step process according to the Power of Habit, as described by Charles Duhigg (2012). A habit is etched in our neuropathways due to this three-step process called the habit loop. It starts with a cue, then a routine, and finally a reward. Below is a simpler explanation of how this works: Cue This is the first part of habit formation. A cue is a trigger that prompts us into [...]

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Regaining Joy After Pregnancy Loss

2024-09-25T08:32:55+00:00January 10th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Women’s Issues|

Losing a loved one is tough. Losing a child is tougher. There is something about losing a child that hits differently. A parent shouldn’t lay a child to rest in a casket. But it happens quite a bit. It has been happening since the garden. One of the most complicated losses is pregnancy loss. Questions and grief plague the minds of the parents. There is not as much closure with pregnancy loss as there is in other instances of losing a child. Throughout God’s word, we see parents losing a child. We try to imagine the pain, but unless we have experienced the loss firsthand, we don’t quite understand the gravity of that pain. One of the first examples of child loss is Able. This wasn’t a pregnancy loss, but it was still a time when parents lost a child. Parents must grieve, but it is also important that they regain joy. We can read in the Bible how Eve may have been grieving the loss of Abel when she gave birth to another son by the reason she gave for naming him, Seth. She states that God gave her a child in place of the one she lost. Adam had relations with his wife again; and she gave birth to a son, and named him Seth, for, she said, “God has appointed me another child in place of Abel, because Cain killed him.”  –  Genesis 4:25, NASB There is no replacing one child for another. But when you do decide to have another child after pregnancy loss, you can begin to find the joy that babies bring. This is not to say that you have forgotten the loss, it simply means that you are regaining joy. Healing Scriptures. Most of the time the physical healing is complete long [...]

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Facing Anxiety about Death

2024-09-25T08:33:28+00:00December 28th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Death is the great inevitability of life. Yet despite this certainty, many have some degree of fear or anxiety about death. In its most intense form, thanatophobia (the fear of death) can hinder you from fully living your life. Others may live with the fear hovering in the back of their mind, not always conscious of it. For some, fear may only come in certain situations. And sometimes it is not your own death that causes fear. The thought of loved ones dying is equally anxiety-inducing. People do all sorts of things to prevent death, from healthy diets and exercise to wearing seatbelts and going through surgery. But while death can be postponed it cannot be cancelled. Each person needs to come to terms with death. As a Christian, you have a completely other perspective on death, one informed by your faith and the Bible. The Bible is a book that often deals with death from one generation to the next until the resurrection of Jesus Christ. That resurrection gives hope for after death. Yet in death, there is also hope. What does the Bible say regarding anxiety about death? My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. – Psalm 55:4-5, NIV David, the writer of many Psalms, had much reason to experience anxiety about death. He spent many days running from men who wanted him dead. He experienced loss, physical suffering, and exhaustion. Yet he knew who truly had his life in His hand. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. – Psalm 68:20, NIV While David may have been afraid of men who wanted to see him dead, he trusted that God [...]

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Always Abide: Help and Healing for Abandonment

2024-10-29T14:49:11+00:00August 30th, 2023|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

The effects of childhood and adolescent experiences impact our view of self and relationships with others. By default, we tend to follow the example that was provided by those who raised us. Ideal conditions would have furnished the secure attachment, acceptance, and affirmation that fosters what each human needs. Because of abandonment, this doesn’t always happen. Parents and caregivers whose absence or intermittent presence influenced our early lives may not have been equipped to offer it. Their abandonment, which the American Psychological Association (APA) describes as “desertion or substantial leave-taking” delegated custodial responsibilities to us, their dependents. Consequently, abandonment left gaps in our history where our legitimate needs were unmet. Though we have entered adulthood, our wounded inner child still seeks safety, protection, and provision. There is an internal void that wants to satisfy what was lacking from childhood. In an attempt to remedy history, we spend part of our adulthood, repeating a variation of the patterns absorbed in our youth. Our lack of a healthy model for initiating and sustaining relationships left us with a deficit. Without an example based on mutual respect, love, and affection, we need support in learning how to respond to those who desire emotional intimacy and connection. In many ways, we may still experience triggers associated with the pain of a difficult past. It shows up when we engage with spouses, partners, or other loved ones, especially when conflict arises. We may resist the authenticity and vulnerability that forms relationship bonds and not present our true selves. When questioned or challenged, we may feel the need to aggressively defend or withdraw in passivity, either of which can inhibit connection. Perplexed, we may question if we will be abandoned again and left vulnerable. This can result in emotional unavailability or placing a demand on [...]

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How to Make Your Golden Years Golden: Aging in America

2024-09-25T08:33:11+00:00June 19th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

As we look at legends like Betty White, Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, and Helen Mirren, we see men and women who have managed to age gracefully, staying healthy and limber. White passed away only a few weeks before her 100th birthday. In the past living to be one hundred (or even eighty) was a dream, but with the advances in science and knowledge regarding nutrition, more people are reaching closer to the centenarian age. You can make aging in America a smoother transition toward the 70s, 80s, 90s, and beyond with a few healthy habits. Make aging in America a healthy journey Genetics and environment play a massive role in aging. However, you can stack the odds in your favor for aging in America and living longer. The goal is not to just live longer, but to age gracefully, staying healthy and limber with as few age-related diseases and conditions as possible. This means avoiding substances or situations that can lead to long-term harm, such as overdrinking alcohol, abusing drugs, or engaging in risky behaviors. The following are a few suggestions to get you started. Eat well. If you study centenarians (people who live to be between 100 and 109) and supercentenarians (age 110 and older), you may notice that these people are of average weight. To help control weight, avoid processed foods and aim for healthier fare, like lean proteins, fresh vegetables and fruits, and healthier fats such as olive oil. Contact a nutritionist for help in tweaking your daily diet. Walk. Walking is an excellent exercise that most people can do. It is low impact which allows you to increase the intensity as needed. Walking is inexpensive – all you need is a pair of comfortable shoes and a safe place to walk. If the weather does [...]

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What is Complicated Grief?

2024-10-29T14:49:27+00:00June 8th, 2023|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Complicated grief is what people can experience when their painful feelings of loss after a death do not diminish over time. Emotions are so intense that they are not able to recover and readjust to day-to-day life, even if more than a year has passed since the loss occurred. Complicated grief is also called prolonged grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder. The difference between complicated and normal grief Normal or uncomplicated grief describes the typical feelings a person has in the first weeks and months after a loss. Crying, missing the deceased, feeling angry or overwhelmed, depressed, and thinking “If only..” are some examples of normal reactions to loss. Over time, these feelings become less intense (though there may still be instances of acute grief and longing) as the person begins to accept the loss and rebuild his life again, reintegrating into society. Complicated grief, however, is a debilitating condition where a person cannot function properly in everyday life. Types of complicated grief Three types of complicated grief have been suggested by researchers, including chronic grief, delayed grief, and absent grief. Chronic grief is grief that is intense and prolonged and does not ease over time. In severe cases, it can lead to thoughts of suicide or attempts to take one’s own life. Delayed grief is grief that is only felt long after the loss of the loved one. In this case, grief may have been postponed due to feeling numb, in shock, overwhelmed, or even busy. If a person feels that she is not able to grieve openly due to perceived societal pressures. For example, after a miscarriage, a woman might suppress her feelings which later may cause delayed grief to emerge. Sometimes the onset of grief after some time has passed leaves people confused as they thought [...]

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Rising to Meet the Challenge: Bible Verses About Faith in Hard Times

2024-10-29T14:49:43+00:00April 24th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

When you go through tough times, what keeps you steady? Our lives, no matter how charmed they are, eventually encounter obstacles. When trouble comes, we need to be prepared to weather the storm and thrive despite the unhospitable circumstances we find ourselves in. For the person who believes in God, Bible verses about faith can help them remain grounded while everything is being turned upside down around them. It’s no surprise that the Bible has many verses about faith in hard times, not least because God’s people have generally been a minority beset with many hardships. Witnessing the faith of others in such circumstances can strengthen your faith, and understanding the purpose of the trials we face can be a further encouragement when you’re going through a tough time. Understanding faith Contrary to popular belief, ‘faith’, at least according to the Bible, is not believing something without evidence or because no evidence exists. Biblical faith is an entirely different creature because Biblical faith is walking in obedience to what you have already witnessed and experienced. Acting in line with what God has already revealed about Himself and the nature of reality is what Biblical faith is all about. The New Testament writers, for example, urge others to place their faith in Jesus because of who He was and what He did. They witnessed His life, miracles, death, and resurrection. Through Jesus, we got a glimpse of where the world is headed. It is a world in which enemies are reconciled, wounds are healed, where might is not right, where humility and love triumph, and what is broken in our world is restored. Faith is placing our trust in God based on what He has already revealed of Himself. He has shown that He loves us by dying on the [...]

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Overscheduled and Overwhelmed: Strategies to Overcome Stress

2024-10-29T14:50:04+00:00February 20th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Our fast-paced world spurs us to hurry and hustle. In real and virtual life, we witness people living what they call their best lives. Sometimes, we attempt to keep up with them instead of seeking God for what He has in store for us, causing us to experience stress. While He has certainly created us with dreams, which we may have fashioned into noteworthy goals, we become overloaded and less effective when we try to match the world’s pace. When we do, we miss ourselves and the value that God wants to add to our lives when we prioritize Him. Fueling frustration. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33, ESV The challenge for us is that we chase “these things,” putting our pursuit into reverse order. Instead of God first, we place Him at the bottom of our endless to-do list. We crave His peace and joy, but we imagine finding it in a hustle-and-grind mindset. Essentially, we can become too occupied to enjoy God and too exhausted to savor His rest. That can induce anxiety, further compounding the effects of the kind of stress that leads to burnout. Stress takes its toll on our physical health in both small and significant ways. However, the wear and tear that it leverages on our mental and emotional states may not be as noticeable but are equally as important. It causes disenchantment when we feel that we are not experiencing the full life that we know Jesus promised (John 10:10). Rarely, do we pause to rest and reassess, preferring to press forward. Instead of bringing this tension between discontent and exhaustion to the Lord, we tire ourselves with over-commitment, hoping to find internal fulfillment and peace [...]

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How to Get Through the Pain of Rejection

2024-10-29T14:50:12+00:00February 9th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When someone leaves you for someone or something else the pain of rejection can be terrifying. It can feel like you have to live with the awareness that you have been replaced in addition to the loss, hurt, and emptiness you are experiencing. The message in your mind screams: You are no longer good enough. There is someone better. The initial weeks after someone’s departure can be incredibly difficult. In response, people stop eating, stop sleeping, cry, withdraw, and generally feel as if everything is falling apart. Sometimes things feel removed, out of this world, like a character in a play. Disbelief and denial are present. Frequently, one of the hardest things is going to sleep. Agonizing sorrow crosses the mind. The ideas don’t stop. When sleep does come, it often comes in fits. The morning after awakening is no better. The suffering begins all over again with each new day. Rejection. Pushing someone or anything away is a definition of rejection. Rejection from one’s birth family, a friend, or a romantic partner can happen, and the ensuing emotions are frequently traumatic. In daily life, it can be felt in significant or minor ways. Even while rejection is frequently a part of life, some kinds of rejection might be harder to handle than others. The rejection of a spouse, for example, is especially difficult because of the intimacy of the marriage relationship. Even a strained marriage is founded on intimacy. Rejection from a parent is particularly difficult as well since this is a formative relationship in a child’s life. Being aware of rejection. There are several situations where rejection can happen, but it typically refers to a situation in which someone or something is pushed aside or out. For instance, someone might reject or refuse to accept a present. [...]

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