Relationship Issues Archives | Carrollton Christian Counseling

Connecting Well with Others: Relationship Advice for Women

Connecting Well with Others: Relationship Advice for Women

Mccartney Paul, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:06:17+00:00November 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

The greatest treasure in our lives is not all the stuff we have, including our homes, jobs, wealth, or looks. To be sure, those things all have their place in our lives, but the value they possess is limited. Rather, what is of greatest value is our relationships. these relationships can be with our friends, neighbors, siblings, and other family members, or our romantic partners. When these relationships are of a good quality, that impacts your overall well-being in a way little else can. “Stuff” is best enjoyed when it’s shared with your loved ones. It should come as no surprise that your relationships are of such importance. For one thing, people are deeply social and relational beings, something we get from our Heavenly Father. In the beginning, God created human beings in His image and likeness. That can mean many different things, including taking care of our world, but it also means there’s something about us that images God. God is love (1 John 4:16), and love is all about rich, deep, truthful, and healthy relationships with others. If the God we reflect is eternally Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, then it makes all the sense in the world that we are relational creatures too. Our overall well-being is intimately tied to our relationships. A person who has healthy, positive, and supportive relationships has a greater likelihood of being happier and healthier. Life isn’t always sunny, and we often encounter hardships such as death, losing a job, or struggles with our health. That’s why developing and maintaining good connections with other people matters. When we are going through hard times, those relationships can also help us to combat loneliness and improve mental health issues such as stress and anxiety. Some relationship advice for women Your relationships matter, and you [...]

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How to Improve Communication in a Relationship: Fun Communication Games

How to Improve Communication in a Relationship: Fun Communication Games

Stephanie Kramer2024-09-25T10:19:16+00:00August 29th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Experts frequently emphasize the importance of communication in relationships. Just because communication is a cornerstone of quality relationships doesn’t mean that it can be fun. Incorporating communication games into your routine can make the process of communication both enjoyable and effective. They can also help you improve your communication skills and enhance your relationships. Fun Communication Games Two truths and a lie: Couple’s version Share three statements about yourself – two of those statements being truthful and one being a lie. Then your partner must guess which statement is a lie. This game encourages sharing personal stories and helps you learn more about each other in a fun way. For new couples, this can be a great way to get to know each other and improve communication. If you have been with your partner for a while, consider making the statements more about how you feel or dreams you might have since they are likely to know a lot about your past. The question game Take turns asking each other intriguing or thought-provoking questions. These questions can range from “What is your favorite childhood memory?” to “If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be?” The goal is to spark meaningful conversations and discover new things about each other. You can also learn more about your partner’s career or personal goals and priorities through this game. Compliment tag Just like in the traditional game of Tag, you and your partner will take turns tagging each other. But in this version of the game, you will be giving each other genuine compliments rather than a tag on the arm. This game will boost positivity and reinforce appreciation and affection in the relationship. The compliments can be general or specific. Mention how much you like their new [...]

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5 Ways to Help Your Partner Overcome Compulsive Buying

5 Ways to Help Your Partner Overcome Compulsive Buying

Grace Mavindidze2024-09-25T08:32:28+00:00July 19th, 2024|Coaching, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Popular media depicts many examples of compulsive shoppers; typically young, easygoing men and women obsessed with the latest clothes, jewelry, shoes, and bags. The sad truth is that compulsive buying is a disorder that can affect even the most unlikely people. You may even be surprised to discover that your partner is a compulsive shopper right under your nose. Unlike most addictions, compulsive buying may be easier to hide and easier to dismiss than other disorders. After all, the reason we fight to cure our loved ones from other addictions like drug, alcohol, sexual, or gambling addictions is that they openly hurt sufferers in obvious ways. Buying too much stuff doesn’t hurt anyone, does it? How compulsive buying can harm your relationship While it may be normal to give in to the occasional impulse to shop, it becomes a problem when some glaringly negative changes in someone’s spending habits appear. Just like any other addiction, compulsive shopping can become harmful, especially for relationships. Compulsive buying can be damaging if: It strains the family budget. It hinders paying bills on time. They open new credit accounts to allow for more shopping. They keep the excessive purchases secret. They prefer to shop over facing real emotions like anger, sadness, or loneliness. It alienates friends and family because they are preoccupied with shopping. Countless studies have noted that financial problems rank as one of the top causes of divorce, so it is important to help each other recognize this addiction in one of you before it destroys the fabric of your relationship. If you think your loved one is showing these telltale signs of compulsive buying or shopping addiction, you need to acknowledge it and start working toward getting them help. How to help your partner Give constant positive encouragement Point out [...]

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The Dynamics of Codependency

The Dynamics of Codependency

Wade Van Staden2024-09-25T08:31:30+00:00July 15th, 2024|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Codependency is a toxic dynamic in a relationship where two people become locked into a giving-and-taking imbalance. This means that one person (the giver) pours their energy, time, and resources into supporting the receiver or “enabler.” The giver needs to be needed, and the enabler needs to be in a position of primary importance in someone else’s life. There are varying degrees of severity with codependent relationships, but the result is usually two people trapped by each other and descending into bitterness and resentment. Recovery from codependency is possible, and it begins with self-reflection and awareness. Sometimes people need to see where they need help or healing to undo damaging situations, they have gotten themselves and others into. The giving flaws The givers in codependent relationships usually begin with people pleasing and pacifying from a young age. They are often highly empathetic people who derive genuine joy from making others happy. However, underlying this generous spirit is often a wound of feeling not good enough, unseen, or unworthy of affection. By nature, givers do not acknowledge or confront issues. They might be aware of problems with their self-esteem but will default to being the good friend, or the kind stranger to receive compliments, praise, and affection. This behavior might seem pleasant on the outside, but deep down it is subtly manipulative. What about enablers of codependency? In some ways, the enabler is the inverse of the giver. They appear more confident, less uncertain, and more obviously controlling. The giver comes to rely on the other person in the codependent relationship for their outspoken opinions, decisiveness, and perceived superiority. Where the giver’s motive is to people please, the enabler has a motive that is simply to have someone meet their needs. Their self-importance is often rooted in narcissism, and they will [...]

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6 Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

6 Examples of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T14:48:39+00:00April 26th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Relationships of all sorts such as romantic couplings, a parent and child, or between siblings, can be various shades of healthy and unhealthy. When human relationships are at their best, their beauty shines through even in sorrow at the loss of a loved one. However, when a relationship is unhealthy or at its worst, such as when emotional abuse is present, even the moments of joy in the relationship can taste like ash. People can relate to one another in familiar but toxic patterns that may be obvious to people other than them because familiarity blinds them to what’s happening. By providing examples, it may highlight behaviors from others or that you engage in yourself that may constitute emotional abuse and that needs to be addressed. What is emotional abuse? Emotional abuse refers to a range of nonphysical behaviors that are aimed at punishing, controlling, demeaning, ignoring, or isolating another person. An emotionally abusive person may manipulate another using fear, humiliation, and other tactics to get what they want. It can happen in any kind of relationship, such as between parents and children, employers and their workers, and romantic partners. When a person emotionally abuses another, a person may simply be reenacting patterns of behavior that they learned in other formative relationships. However, just because it’s unintentional, that doesn’t reduce the harm caused, and emotional abuse needs to be addressed. Signs and examples There are some signs that you should look for that point to emotional abuse. Often, the person that experiences it feels tired or depressed after interactions with the abuser. A person’s sense of confidence may suffer, and they may begin pulling away from other relationships. Some examples of emotional abuse include: Gaslighting This is when a person manipulates their counterpart into distrusting their judgment, memory, or [...]

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Teen Issues: Coming Meaningfully Alongside Your Teenager

Teen Issues: Coming Meaningfully Alongside Your Teenager

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-25T08:45:45+00:00February 29th, 2024|Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

Being young is often associated with being carefree and happy. If you look at commercials, social media, and much of our art, it is a celebration of youth and the vitality associated with it. Young people are also valorized as harbingers of the future, and as the ones who hold their elders’ feet to the fire about pressing issues that will affect them in the future. All that may be true enough, but it doesn’t tell the whole story, at least as it relates to teens and teen issues. If you have a teen in your life, you’ve likely experienced the vitality and vibrancy of having a young adult living in your home. But you’ve probably also experienced a variety of other emotions too, as your teen comes to terms with getting older and making their way in the world. If you are a parent or a caregiver to a teen, it may be helpful to know how to meaningfully come alongside your teen in this season of their lives. The teen years are complicated by teen issues. Whatever else they may be, the teen years are complicated. For one thing, a teen is located somewhere between being a young child and an adult. They may not need the same level of guidance as when they were younger, but they can’t handle the responsibility of making adult decisions either. This can be a source of tension in the home as both the teen and their parent figure out the new rules of engagement. Teen issues come in many flavors, including some of the following: Changes in their body. As puberty hits, one’s body changes. It can be quite bewildering to know your own body as being one thing for a decade or more, and then for it to begin [...]

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Understanding and Working On Emotional Distance in Families

Understanding and Working On Emotional Distance in Families

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-25T08:45:37+00:00February 8th, 2024|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

A person’s family is foundational in shaping who they are. Sometimes that shaping is positive, but at other times it’s negative. Your family teaches you the importance of certain values, whether through example or omission. None of us chooses our family, but the people who comprise our family make a deep and lifelong impression on us. Emotional distance can negatively impact families. Each family has its own characteristics, its own intricate dynamic that flows from the combination of the lives of each member. It’s not unheard of for a new member of the family, whether through birth, marriage, or adoption, to shift the trajectory of that family and the way family members relate to one another. Some families are close, enjoying spending time together, while others are fragmented and want nothing to do with one another. Whatever situation you find yourself in, especially if it’s unhealthy, it’s good to know that the situation is not immutable. With work and intentionality, change can happen, and your family can become the sort of nurturing and welcoming community you would like it to be. Emotional distance in perspective. When you consider the human capacity for emotion, it’s enough to leave you speechless. We can be angry, sad, jubilant, curious, confused, disturbed, and many other shades of feeling in between. These feelings find expression in our words, our bodily movements, the tone of our voices, and our facial expressions. Depending on a person’s age and personality, what makes them experience these feelings and how they express these emotions will also differ. Given this broad range of emotions and understanding that individuals and families have their own personalities, how these emotions find expression, and what one feels comfortable with will vary widely. Some families are boisterous, show their emotions easily, and are emotionally transparent. [...]

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Partners for Life: Bible Verses on Love and Marriage

Partners for Life: Bible Verses on Love and Marriage

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T14:48:54+00:00November 15th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

When He was asked what the greatest command in the whole of Scripture was, Jesus answered that it all hangs on love. “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40, NIV). All that we do in life ought to revolve and flow from loving God and our neighbor. This applies to marriage as well as to any other relationship. Together, for life. Marriage brings two people and binds them together for life. Though we decide to get married, it’s God who is joining the two and making them one flesh. Jesus reminds us of this profound reality when He was responding to a question about divorce by saying: “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6, NIV The marriage bond should not be dissolved by us because God designed marriage to be permanent from the beginning. Marriage is bigger than us; it is a symbol of how Christ loves and cleaves to His Church. Pondering the same verses from Genesis 2, Paul writes “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the [...]

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Issues That Might Come Up In Christian Premarital Counseling

Issues That Might Come Up In Christian Premarital Counseling

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T14:49:02+00:00November 6th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The people we allow closest to us play a significant role in our lives by being part of our overall well-being. They form our support network, that group of people to whom we can turn in times of crisis and on whose wisdom we rely. This especially applies to premarital counseling. They are the people who guide us, keep us accountable, help us nurture our dreams, and with whom we do life. When these key relationships are healthy, we have a better chance of flourishing, and when they are mired in ongoing conflict or other unhealthy behaviors, your flourishing is hampered. Your choice of marriage partner is one of the weightier decisions you’ll make in your life. This is the person you’re choosing to walk alongside for the rest of your life. This is likely the individual who will have the largest impact on your well-being, for good or for ill. In his book The Mystery of Marriage, Mike Mason rightly says that “There is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage, and at the same time nothing better than a good one”. What is Christian premarital counseling for? Christian premarital counseling is part of the process of wisely discerning whether the person you want to get married to is the right partner for you. Premarital counseling helps you consider the reality of marriage and married life so that you make an informed decision. Additionally, by addressing certain perennial issues that often trip couples up in their life together, premarital counseling helps prepare couples to face those challenges well. Issues that might come up. Premarital counseling makes for better decision-making and a greater sense of ownership of the decision to get married. It helps you get prepared for life together by helping you think through issues that [...]

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Always Abide: Help and Healing for Abandonment

Always Abide: Help and Healing for Abandonment

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T14:49:11+00:00August 30th, 2023|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

The effects of childhood and adolescent experiences impact our view of self and relationships with others. By default, we tend to follow the example that was provided by those who raised us. Ideal conditions would have furnished the secure attachment, acceptance, and affirmation that fosters what each human needs. Because of abandonment, this doesn’t always happen. Parents and caregivers whose absence or intermittent presence influenced our early lives may not have been equipped to offer it. Their abandonment, which the American Psychological Association (APA) describes as “desertion or substantial leave-taking” delegated custodial responsibilities to us, their dependents. Consequently, abandonment left gaps in our history where our legitimate needs were unmet. Though we have entered adulthood, our wounded inner child still seeks safety, protection, and provision. There is an internal void that wants to satisfy what was lacking from childhood. In an attempt to remedy history, we spend part of our adulthood, repeating a variation of the patterns absorbed in our youth. Our lack of a healthy model for initiating and sustaining relationships left us with a deficit. Without an example based on mutual respect, love, and affection, we need support in learning how to respond to those who desire emotional intimacy and connection. In many ways, we may still experience triggers associated with the pain of a difficult past. It shows up when we engage with spouses, partners, or other loved ones, especially when conflict arises. We may resist the authenticity and vulnerability that forms relationship bonds and not present our true selves. When questioned or challenged, we may feel the need to aggressively defend or withdraw in passivity, either of which can inhibit connection. Perplexed, we may question if we will be abandoned again and left vulnerable. This can result in emotional unavailability or placing a demand on [...]

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